Activating Robin

Robin, she of the Abraham Lincoln sweatshirt, explains why she has some serious boundary issues. Pamie tries to get her to hug it out.

(Apologies for crappy webcam quality. Let’s pretend it’s 1999!)

(It sort of looks better if you click the video, let it take you to You Tube, and then click “High Quality.” I don’t know; I feel like that’s a scam.)

Activating Annie

This week: Annie got activated when we started talking about women who are obsessed with creating the perfect birth “experience.”

Activating Niya

Here’s the thing about Niya. She sits across from me at the table every day, and while I never know exactly when it will happen, there will be a point where she goes off. Sometimes it’s over something seemingly innocuous, like cookies. Or dogs. I particularly enjoy the times it’s about how she would have reacted if she were me in a certain situation. (“Oh, you need to listen. I don’t know who the FUCK you think you are, but…”)

I have often said I’m trying to be able to tap into my inner Niya, and she says she’s working on her outer Pam.

In a conversation about Twitter and Facebook, Niya went off on how annoying Twitter is: “It’s just one damn thing after another, on and on about how perfect everything is in her life, all these little moments I couldn’t give a FUCK about because I DON’T LIVE WITH HER. “My darling Jessie just came home from school.” “Jessie just drank some milk.” “Jessie got all A’s!” “I love my perfect family!” “Dinner: what to make?” “Laundry, I just did it.” Why don’t you put down the damn Twitter and join your perfect goddamn family?!?”

This turned into Niya telling me what she thinks about women who call themselves the CEO’s of their families. I loved it so much it made me want to make my very first YouTube video. Enjoy.

Cat on the Prowl: Pamela Ribon

Cat Davis had me on her show. She made me cook for her, dress her, repeatedly defend my sexual identity, and perform my unrehearsed Cat Davis impression while sleeveless in harsh sunlight. She made me laugh so hard I got all teary and so there’s something in my eye for the first half of the episode.

Come share half an hour with the two Vageniuses. What better way to spend those last few minutes you’re stuck in the office?

This Turkey Day Eve, Cat is super thankful to be on the prowl with writer/comedian (and Cat Davis doppleganger) Pamela Ribon (Samantha Who?). It’s holiday heartbreak time when Kevyn cheats on Cat, and Pamie breaks the news that Cat has no chance with a certain Samantha Who? actress (whose name rhymes with “Mean Heart”).

Thank goodness for holiday comfort food! Pam shares her favorite Thanksgiving recipe, and Cat drowns her sorrows in pumpkin pudding. It turns out to be a happy holiday after all when Cat all but succeeds in taking the “Honor” out of straight Pam’s “Honorary Lesbian” status.

I had the video embedded, but the margins cut off the right side of the frame. So instead, go here to watch.

(I’m doing a parody of Cat’s opening from this episode.)

(More of Cat on the Prowl right here.)

conversation with mom

[scripty]
Pamie
…And then I said, “Well, that sounds dangerous, so please don’t tell me about it until it’s over or I will worry about it from now until it’s over.”

Mom
That’s exactly what you should have said.

Pamie
Which is how I knew I’d officially turned into you. I no longer want to hear about dangerous things people are doing until they’re done doing them. I suddenly understand why the mom of the girl at the Olympics wouldn’t even watch her compete. Used to think it was selfish; now believe it’s completely sensible.

Mom
This is why I don’t want to know anything about roller derby.

Pamie
Which is why I didn’t tell you when I broke my tailbone.

Mom
You should still tell me when you break your tailbone.

Pamie
And lie about how I did it?

Mom
I need to know when you break something.

Pamie
So you can get mad? Or so you can stop worrying that I’ll break something and start worrying about how I’ve broken something?

Mom
Both.

Pamie
I am careful, Mom. I watch out for myself.

Mom
Uh-huh. I’m sure you do, but you live in a city full of crazy people.

Pamie
Myself included.

Mom
People are always dying out there. Murdered in the streets. Whenever I watch one of these television shows, the murders and death are always happening in Los Angeles. Dangerous city.

Pamie
Mom… that’s because they make those shows in Los Angeles. This is where they make television. If they made all the television shows in Chicago, you’d think Chicago was the most dangerous city in America.

Mom
No, there are other dangerous cities. CSI: Miami, CSI: New York…

Pamie
Mom, I work at CSI: New York.

Mom
Really?

Pamie: Yes. They shoot across the street from my office. We’re on the same lot. And I can’t believe I just called a city “CSI:” anything.

Mom
Would you say hi to Gary Sinise for me?

Pamie
No. He gives me the creeps.

Mom
Well, that’s crazy. He seems like a nice guy.

Pamie
Why doesn’t Gary Oldman make movies anymore?

Mom
Now, THAT’S a creepy guy.

Pamie
Yeah, but he was really good at it.

Mom
What were we saying?

Pamie
That I’m going to be careful when I’m walking through the streets of CSI: New York at night.

Mom
Good. I love you.

Pamie
I love you, too, Mommy.
[/scripty]

Dammit!

I was trying to find video of Jean Smart accepting her Emmy for Best Supporting Actress, and I got Rick-Rolled.

But anyway: Yay, Jean!

ack!

In my defense, my lack of updates is not due to wanting to ignore you, but rather that life has made it difficult to update lately. Case in point: Moveable Type. Hates my work computer, for some reason. Hates the new Mac operating system, I think, because it doesn’t matter if it’s Firefox or Safari, but it takes forever to be able to get this new little entry box to work. I actually have to publish a blank page first in order to get access to–

hey, WAKE UP! You asked, didn’t you?

You didn’t? Oh. Continue reading