this and that and i’m sorry about all the body fluids talk again my life is sometimes gross

Woo-hoo! We have a release date for Notes to Boys (And Other Things I Shouldn’t Share in Public). [For newer readers who may not be familiar with some of Little Pam’s finest, I direct you to these older posts. Start here.]

The Polish translation of You Take It From Here was released earlier this year. I love how angsty the main characters look. “I live your life now. I stare at your future. I will use your skin care products even though they do not agree with my complexion. This is how I am best friend to you.”

I am writing on a lunch break because I miss you, dear readers of pamie.com. I hope you know that when I’m not writing here it is because I am always (no, really, always) writing something for you that sometimes you will see later. Though sometimes, unfortunately, you’ll never see it, but it’s always with the intent that it will get to be before your eyes or in your hands some day. Or on your iPads. Or in your Kindles. Or in your closet. Look in your closet! SURPRISE! HI! I AM WEARING ALL YOUR CLOTHES.

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday, and I don’t know how to thank her enough for changing her entire life to be near her grandchild. I would be lost without her help and patience, and even though she seems to think that my baby is “bored” with my breastmilk, and even though she sometimes says to Qwerty as I leave for work, “Say goodbye. Your mommy’s leaving you again,” I am so very grateful for Mom’s generosity and love.

A recent comment asks: Why is Pamie calling her baby Qwerty? Why not just tell people what the baby’s real name is?

I’ve been writing pamie.com for over fifteen years. (Please. A moment. I need to sit down. This website is old enough to have a driver’s permit. Jesus. You guys. Is this how some of you feel who have kids in high school? This feels old! Like I’m an old person who says old things like calling your jeans “dungarees” but instead my old person words are “Geocities” and “FTP server.” Oh, man, this site is old. OLD! I’ve been writing about the VMAs since people willingly listened to Sugar Ray! Was I answering a question? Can someone hand me my glasses? I’m chilly. Why do you like to keep it so cold in here?)

I mention how old my website is because it is the reason why I know I don’t want to mention my child’s real name. Qwerty has a right to privacy, and the Internet can be a creepy, scary, stupid place for anyone, especially children. Fifteen years of watching the web change means I’ve seen all kinds of mistakes in handling a personal life publicly. I’ve made a number of them myself. Jason and I decided it’s up to Qwerty when he or she starts an internet footprint.

Oh, and speaking of things I’ve done that my child will one day be sad to find on the Internet, the legendary massage story will be featured in the upcoming anthology for Anna David’s True Tales of Lust and Love. Do you know I still get emails from that spa, and every time they are boasting about their “Happy Hour Special”? Do you know how much restraint I show every single time that I don’t tell you guys where this place is, just so it can become a spot on those Hollywood tour buses?

“And here we have the place you’ve read about on the Internet, where some pregnant lady rolled around in a stranger’s jizz. If you look closely, you can still see her tears on the sidewalk, near that stop sign where she called her doctor. And if you look just down the street, you will see — the bar where Nick works on New Girl!”

[ooh, i just gave you a hint.] [see how much i miss you?]
[i do.]
[i hope you like the Little Pam book when it gets here. I put my heart into it.]
[For you. And Qwerty. But also for you.]

26 thoughts on “this and that and i’m sorry about all the body fluids talk again my life is sometimes gross

  1. Yay for new books! I’m just glad I’m not waiting on deaths door for it like I was the last time. Let us know when we can pre-order I will pre-order the shit out of that thing and peer pressure all my friends in to doing the same. I’ve been called a book bully…and I like it.

  2. The woman on the right side of the book cover makes me think the Polish title is “You Take It From Here, Or Else.”

    I like to think when your child is old enough s/he will read your site and choose Qwerty as a nickname.

  3. Yay Little Pam! Yay!!

    Can’t wait!

    And part of me hopes that eventually we will learn that the joke is on us, and the baby’s name really *is* Qwerty.

    I mean, not really. But kinda.

  4. Yay for Little Pam! Yay for your kid’s privacy!

    (My father just chewed out my older brother for sending a photo of our nephew to some random person who apparently REALLY LIKES KIDS in Syria. Because why…I don’t even know.)

  5. “Look at me, I’m Chandler, could I *be* wearing any more clothes?”

    Sorry, you mentioned wearing all of the clothes, and I couldn’t help myself. Moving on

    I have to admit, a very sick and secret part of me hoped you had actually named your child Qwerty.

  6. Love the small Texas town description. I attended a birthday party in your old hood last weekend and my has that area blown up. Some day, if/when you have a half-hour to fritter away, Google Earth it. Talk about 15 years of changes. Happy birthday to your mom!

  7. Nook version-Please?!?!?!

    If you come to Baton Rouge (or even New Orleans) on a book tour I will go and I will buy a hard copy but I really love my e-books.

    I will actually buy it twice because I have to have an e-version to read with me at all times.

  8. Somehow I missed your massage story the first time around. Now, I have awakened my dog with the terrible noises I’ve made, trying to stifle my laughter. God bless you.

    And I’m also very excited for your new book! Maybe I can have you back on The Outside Lane for another interview to promote it?

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