This Flute of Mine, So Gay

Right now somewhere in Los Angeles and New York, simultaneously, there’s a conference call to discuss whether or not our show is going to Aspen. We won’t know for a few hours. I’m trying to pretend my stomach isn’t twisting in knots.

I’m working on one script while reading another, and because my brain is being pulled in too many directions, I thought I’d take a moment to tell you about this past weekend. Immediately after announcing the Battle of the Seven Rebeccas, one dropped out and another declared herself the winner. After hearing this story, you might agree. Continue reading

sing out loud

Overheard this weekend as I walked back to my table after finishing a heartfelt rendition of “A Natural Woman”:

Guy #1
That’s hot.

Guy #2
That’s Hot?


I was talking about this with Dan last night, how I always enter the Karaoke joint thinking, “Tonight I’ll just play it cool. Sit back. Enjoy the show. There’s no need to act like a moron in front of all these people.” And then half an hour later I’m rolling on the floor, possibly touching my crotch.

“Oh, I know,” Dan said. “It’s how we met.”

This weekend I was going to “play it cool” and ended up onstage no less than six times. I touched strangers. A group of hipsters in 80’s gear danced in front of us so we couldn’t see the stage. I stole their hats and gave them to other people. And they let me. The last time I was at this particular establishment, the girl who couldn’t stop dancing like she was both Romy and Michele became the centerpiece of my rendition of Pearl Jam’s “Black.” I crawled between her legs and we got to at least first base.

A) Why do I do this?
B) Why do people continue to let me? Continue reading

How To Throw a Karaoke Party

you never know when you’ll need to know

I’m tired of looking for apartments, calling apartments, the word “apartments” and the syllables that make up the word “apartments.” Therefore, I will pass on this bit of wisdom I’ve learned over the weekend.

I thought it’d be a piece of cake, just walking up, renting a karaoke machine, taking it to a bar and letting people sing. It wasn’t until after I got the equipment that I realized I needed to be a bit more prepared. Luckily I had enough time to prepare, and I think we did a really good job at throwing the Bad Dog’s first Karaoke Smackdown.

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Halftime Report

and i’m out of cigarettes

So, I’m just sitting here watching the Texas/Oklahoma State game and it’s just now halftime, and it’s all strange and quiet around here. So, why not write on a Saturday?

I don’t know.

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You Decide


Too much time has been wasted deciding who was the best. Now you get to decide.

It’s been said that she has a voice of an angel. On loan from God. With 2.9 percent financing. You know her from the forum. You know her mother hates her daddy. She’s Allison.

The self-proclaimed Pop Culture Princess will probably be evicted after her late night antics here. Anything to beat Allison. She’s beat down drunken rival karaoke teams. She’s given the smackdown to many suckas that tried to step. The problem here? She screws up the first chorus, and then tries to be quiet while singing a Bonnie Tyler song. You can’t do that. Lord. It’s Pamie.

Who wins this Karaoke challenge? You listen. You vote. You decide.

Post Vegas Recap

with the amount of time i spent in the spa you wouldn’t think it was possible to be this sore

I’m back.

Best. Trip. Ever.

No, really, I had a great time. My mother said to me on our flight into Vegas, “Don’t you think it will be strange meeting a bunch of people that you only know from writing every day?”

And I thought, for a second, that it would be. And then I met everyone.

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or what i did on my vacation

Well, I’m back. I hope everyone is doing well. The holidays are supposed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy, but I’m just thinking about Al and his family, and am filled with even more thoughts about how thankful I am to have my family with me.

I awoke this morning to the sound of both a crash and a splash. I ran to the bathroom and found a very wet and frightened Cal jumping out of the tub. The drain isn’t working so well, so Cal got to bathe in Eric’s bath water. As I chased Cal with a towel to keep him from catching cold I thought to myself, “Well, my vacation is definitely over.”

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