And then what happens when you find another girl’s bra in your apartment.

[Setting: Twitter]

@pamelaribon — I just pulled a bra out of my drawer and put it on, only to realize… this isn’t mine. I don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret. (…is it yours?)

@Glark — Stop crowdtesting your new novel Pamie.

@Mjfrig — Yes, I have man-boobs, okay! Stop rubbing it in. #idontreally #onlyajokeiswear

@auriflamme — It’s mine, yo.

@matt_fuqua — How embarrassing. I’ll get it next time I see you.

@SaraMorrison — What does it look like?

@pamelaribon — @SaraMorrison Flesh-colored, “Biofit,” 34D. If it’s yours, you just saved three thousand hours of drilling @jasonwupton with questions. Continue reading

Where I had been and what I will have had happen.

Let’s see. I went to Bellingham and that was fun. I got to meet superfan Teecer, who was extremely sweet and had all my books, and superhero Jen, who was awesome (Thanks for the review, Jen!). Lots of people came to the book signing, a homeless man won my box of Kleenex, and someone in the audience asked if I ever thought about being a performer, which made my friend from college sitting in the back laugh his ass off. Continue reading

Eat Through Austin, Day One: The Eatening

The best part about Eat Through Austin is that as soon as you tell someone our plan, that person is immediately on board.

“Oh, right on. I’m so jealous.”

Dave, Tara and I are here to eat. All of Austin, if possible. That’s it. We have friends on the agenda, of course. I haven’t been here in five years, after all. But when we aren’t seeing old friends and loved ones, we are eating. Everything. (But don’t try to buy alcohol after midnight on Friday. Damn, Austin, I forgot about that. That blows.)

It took about ten minutes for me to remember where everything is as I drive around this city, and every street hits me with equal parts nostalgia and wonder (yes, wonder, bitches). My most impressive moment was when I was navigating us to Trudy’s simply by memory, thought I was lost and then felt my stomach pang. “Turn right here,” it said. And there it was. Trudy’s. (My stomach is now known as our Gastronomical Positioning System.)

Day one pics here.
Dave’s here.
Tara’s here.

Food consumed:

Opening Night:
Opal Devine’s: Live Oak Black Bark Beer, cracked pepper fries, southwestern egg rolls. [with Blynch]
House Snacks: HEB Central Market BBQ potato chips, Izze sodas (blueberry), white peaches, coffee [w/ Tara, Dave]

Day One:
Trudy’s: chips, salsa, Migas, Kona coffee [w/ Tara, Dave]
Shoal Creek Saloon: sausage, chicken, & pork gumbo, boiled crawfish, pitcher of Shiner [w/ Chuy, Cathy and the Zarate boys]
Doubletree Inn: Booze… and double chocolate cake [w/ Chuy, Cathy, the boys, Matt, Becca]

…I gotta go sleep off this crawfish. No, the cake. I think that’s what’s keeping me up. New rule: smaller meals, more frequently. I thought we’d hit Amy’s Ice Cream today.

Forces of Nature

First:

A Short Play to Demonstrate the Amount of Control Anna Beth Chao Has Over My Life

[Two women sit 1736 miles away from each other.

An unemployed blonde with absolutely nothing to do for months stares at her living room bookcase, picks up her cell phone and sends a text.]

PAMIE: What if I moved the Flurgen* to the other wall? Where the puffs hang? And put tiny couch where the big couch is?

[The other woman is tiny, wearing Hammer pants, and is currently painting the area behind her kitchen electrical sockets, using a toothbrush made of unicorn eyelashes. Her phone buzzes. She looks at the message, and immediately texts back:]

ANNA BETH: No

Fin

* Flurgen = code for the IKEA bookcase that almost killed us.

And for those of you who can’t get enough of watching me look like a dork, Glark posted his footage of Zipline Badass. In HD. Bonus: He aligns both POVs, so you can Zapruder my humiliation.

Happy Mardi Gras! I’m totally flashing you my boobs right now, I promise.

My Only New Year’s Drunk Dial Was From My Soberest Friend.

Normally, Dave Cole does not drink. In fact, until the last few hours of 2008, I believe he’d never touched a drop. The Power of Anna Beth worked again (see: everything anybody has ever done that wasn’t their idea and might not have been the best idea but made everyone else happy), so at her suggestion, Dave and Tara decided to split a bottle of champagne for their New Year’s Podcast.

But before the podcast, there was Dave’s drunk post, which let us know we were in for some fun:

Tara just said that people are facebooking my drunk dials. They don’t know the historical signifcance of what just happened. It was the interrsection of awesome and me and drinking. One day Pamie will be sad she wasn’t around to take the call. Pamie was probably out making a skirt. Continue reading

bam.

Oh, like you don’t do this on your weekends?

I’m working on my Roller Derby Debut entry. But until that’s finished, there’s this.

Pamie Creates a Pile-Up from Glark on Vimeo.

I’m the girl in the blue helmet, rounding up the back, slamming to the rail causing my teammate (sorry, Kiss M’Grits, I stepped in too early) and the opposing jammer (HELL, yeah! That’s what I was trying to do) to fall to the ground. This isn’t billiards, people. It’s not slop as long as the right girl is eventually on the ground.

That girl you hear screaming, “MINNIE, SKATE! MINNIE, SKATE!” is co-manager Trixie Biscuit. She must have been standing right next to my brother Glark, who takes awesome pictures, some of which I even allow on the Internet.