My Only New Year’s Drunk Dial Was From My Soberest Friend.

Normally, Dave Cole does not drink. In fact, until the last few hours of 2008, I believe he’d never touched a drop. The Power of Anna Beth worked again (see: everything anybody has ever done that wasn’t their idea and might not have been the best idea but made everyone else happy), so at her suggestion, Dave and Tara decided to split a bottle of champagne for their New Year’s Podcast.

But before the podcast, there was Dave’s drunk post, which let us know we were in for some fun:

Tara just said that people are facebooking my drunk dials. They don’t know the historical signifcance of what just happened. It was the interrsection of awesome and me and drinking. One day Pamie will be sad she wasn’t around to take the call. Pamie was probably out making a skirt.

Oh, and don’t forget the wonderful Sisqo-riffic tweet.

I had my iPhone plugged into the stereo, so I missed Dave’s calls. Yay for voicemail.

The next day, after the podcast was posted, the group of friends I was with gathered ’round the computer in a bedroom to sit and listen to the entire thing, like it was our favorite old-timey radio program. Thanks for that, Cole/Arianos. Tara, also normally sober at all times, didn’t get nearly as “wasted” as Dave did. But oh, Dave. Dave’s laugh was so infectious that I was laughing along with him, and soon both of us were making that snarf-honk at the exact same time.

To be honest, once we first read Drunk Dave and heard the voice messages, we felt guilty for ever making Dave and Tara think that they were missing out on drinking, that we were having fun they hadn’t had before. For days before the podcast, we all tried to come up with the best way for the two of them to imbibe without suffering the repercussions of alcohol. We suggested how to drink the champagne, at what time, with what food. There was so much science involved, it was like we were helping two people get to the moon.

Hearing Drunk Dave made all of us stop for a second and think, “This is my fault, isn’t it?”

The thing is, I’ve met Drunk Dave before. Hour three of any kind of game night, Dave gets loopy. Maybe it’s the candy, maybe it’s the late hour, but when Dave goes from Normal to Silly, it’s really not that different from Dave on two mimosas. This is the man who once — completely sober — halted our Mullendash game with awe-inspiring silliness. He took the honey from Tara’s tea setting, spread it all over his mouth and announced: “I’ve got Honey Lips!”

And then he laughed and laughed, breathless and honking, until Tara said, “Well, I think it’s time we all went to bed.”

Sober. Honey Lips was sober. Drunk Glark, as wonderful as he is in those thirty-second chunks of giddy, is just Tired Glark without anyone stopping him. Drunk Glark has an “excuse!”

But I’m very honored to be his favorite Superfriend.

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