Ugh.

Even reading this again has made me ill.

See how he tries to make it seem like he’s the nice guy in this situation? That he changed his ways simply because he loves me? He’s very good. I’m not saying it’s all an act, but he’s trying to win you over, people. Playing the husband card. It’s still nasty. I’m not going to tell you how to vote, because I know you’re a decent person who understands why Dan and I are right, and my husband has made it so that I cannot look at Italian food the same way ever again. But if you think stee’s right? Dead to me.

quarter chicken white with three sides…

[readermail]
Dear Pamie Dot Com:

Long time reader, first time emailer. The reason for my email is a private and personal one, and I hope you can once again channel your inner Oprah and help me with a cause that could change lives. And please do it quickly. Because I’m kind of hungry.

Over the years, Pamie Dot Com has been responsible for much good. Book drives, bra advice, various fundraising ventures. Once, due to the expediency afforded by the internet, I once saw Pamie Dot Com rescue an adorable kitten from the twentieth floor of a burning building. How? I do not know.

Pamie Dot Com, there is a restaurant three feet from my apartment called Birds, and I go there one thousand times a week. My friends and I greatly enjoy their chicken, and enjoy even more the choice of two sides that comes with such a meal. During my time in Los Angeles (and I had my very first dinner ever in Los Angeles at Birds, and I suspect it is where I shall also have my last), I have tried all of the sides on the menu, and find them to be uniformly above reproach. The caesar salad is a staple, the black beans are a delight, and let’s just say that the rice pilaf could make a meal in itself, am I right? Really, I shouldn’t be complaining. But, Pamie Dot Com, something is missing.

Mac and cheese, Pamie Dot Com, does not appear as a side on the menu at Birds. In my effort to reverse this egregious oversight, I have undertaken many tactics. I have asked every member of the wait staff if perhaps they are planning on adding mac and cheese to the menu. I have ordered mac and cheese really quickly, mouth hidden behind menu, in at attempt to trick them into having it on the menu. I have almost brought a box of Kraft in and asked them to just do it up for me in the back, y’know, while they were already preparing food anyway. No avail.

Please help. Delicious restaurant-grade mac and cheese would most assuredly improve an already excellent eating experience. Perhaps one of your readers knows a higher-up in the Birds family, or perhaps this would be a good place to start a letter-writing campaign. Any help you could give me would be quite helpful. Speed is of the essence; I was thinking of eating there tonight.

Love you, Pamie Dot Com, and I hope we can meet one day. I think you’d REALLY like Birds.

Best in all of your good works,
Dan
[/readermail]

so early, so late

You don’t have to check the time of this post. I’ll tell you. It’s four in the morning.

I’ve learned an important lesson. When you decide to drink more Diet Coke than you have in about a year, it’s best not to do it at eleven at night. I’ve been trying to fall asleep for over four hours. Continue reading

French Fry Freak Out

and other things i’m ashamed of

Y’all. We need to talk about the drive-thru.

Listen, I understand that you want to eat the nice hot fries as soon as they come out of the window, but there are things you aren’t considering. You’re just shoving your hand in there and pulling out a bunch of fried potatoes and shoving them into your mouth not realizing that sometimes you’re eating my fries along with yours. See, they section the fries off into little individual boxes, and you have your fries and I have mine, and maybe I want to save them to eat with my sandwich. The only reason I’m putting my hand into the bag and shoving fries into my mouth now is because you’ve upset the balance of fries, and I know when we get back to the apartment you’re gonna give me the box with the smaller amount of fries and it isn’t fair because you ate all of the fries out of that one already.

I hate it when people eat my fries.

Continue reading

weekend lessons

you pick up a few things here and there.

I’m going broke from everyone’s wish lists. It’s way too easy to just click and send. But in any event, thanks to Daniel, Erica and Kim, whose gifts arrived on Friday afternoon. Eric is starting to look jealous.

The weekend was spent shopping, performing, eating, and movie watching. Although none of those things are interesting when you just talk about them chronologically, they are a bit more entertaining when you just look at the lessons I learned from them:

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losing my lunch.

why i order water

I’m terrible about lunch dates.  You know how sometimes you have to meet people for lunch that you don’t know very well?   Usually it’s to discuss some upcoming project or something like that.   I’m bad at this.  I get too nervous.  I always end up coming too early.  I’ll show up and ask the host/hostess “I’m looking for someone.”  Have I mentioned I’m bad with names?  I’ll be like, “I think his name is Peter.”

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sugar shack

childhood memories involving chocolate

I have been sitting around looking at that box of chocolate and I’ve been flooded with so many memories:

When I was younger I was a chocolate hoarder.  I would never eat all of my Easter candy because I always wanted some left over for the option of eating later.  Having a younger sister made this difficult, so I would hide my Easter candy in my closet.  It never failed that right around Halloween time my mother would find a rock-hard Chocolate Easter Bunny with one missing ear near my folded up winter clothes.  She would complain that I was wasting candy.

Every Easter she would find my old plastic jack-o-lantern sitting under my good shoes with a layer of M&M’s at the bottom.

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dammit!

why must i be so tortured and dumb?

So this morning I got up early, got dressed and ready to go early, and remembered that I was almost out of gas, so I left the house early, got to the gas station, got a bottle of water, didn’t even complain when someone cut in front of me because I was early, and then stepped up to make my purchases.

I needed ID to write my check.

I had left my wallet at home.

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i want candy

and i avoid an evening of irish boxing

Eric’s mom leaves today.  I had a really good time with her.  I wish she was staying longer.

Before I left work yesterday I asked Eric what we were going to do about dinner.  “Well, Mom and I are going out while you’re at rehearsal, and we’ll probably eat then,” he said, so I reminded myself to pick up dinner on the way home.  After rehearsal I was starving.  I started my bee line towards MacDonald’s when I saw Billy Blanks in the rear view mirror.

“You know you don’t need all that,” he said, and some of his sweat dripped onto my shoulder.

“Ew.  Okay.”

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