Dear Pamie Dot Com:
Long time reader, first time emailer. The reason for my email is a private and personal one, and I hope you can once again channel your inner Oprah and help me with a cause that could change lives. And please do it quickly. Because I’m kind of hungry.
Over the years, Pamie Dot Com has been responsible for much good. Book drives, bra advice, various fundraising ventures. Once, due to the expediency afforded by the internet, I once saw Pamie Dot Com rescue an adorable kitten from the twentieth floor of a burning building. How? I do not know.
Pamie Dot Com, there is a restaurant three feet from my apartment called Birds, and I go there one thousand times a week. My friends and I greatly enjoy their chicken, and enjoy even more the choice of two sides that comes with such a meal. During my time in Los Angeles (and I had my very first dinner ever in Los Angeles at Birds, and I suspect it is where I shall also have my last), I have tried all of the sides on the menu, and find them to be uniformly above reproach. The caesar salad is a staple, the black beans are a delight, and let’s just say that the rice pilaf could make a meal in itself, am I right? Really, I shouldn’t be complaining. But, Pamie Dot Com, something is missing.
Mac and cheese, Pamie Dot Com, does not appear as a side on the menu at Birds. In my effort to reverse this egregious oversight, I have undertaken many tactics. I have asked every member of the wait staff if perhaps they are planning on adding mac and cheese to the menu. I have ordered mac and cheese really quickly, mouth hidden behind menu, in at attempt to trick them into having it on the menu. I have almost brought a box of Kraft in and asked them to just do it up for me in the back, y’know, while they were already preparing food anyway. No avail.
Please help. Delicious restaurant-grade mac and cheese would most assuredly improve an already excellent eating experience. Perhaps one of your readers knows a higher-up in the Birds family, or perhaps this would be a good place to start a letter-writing campaign. Any help you could give me would be quite helpful. Speed is of the essence; I was thinking of eating there tonight.
Love you, Pamie Dot Com, and I hope we can meet one day. I think you’d REALLY like Birds.
Best in all of your good works,