Okay, I just have to add a few stories to the songs, in case Dan’s too modest and/or actually working to include them.
Burn: This is the song we give newbies when we want to be mean.
Careless Whisper: When Dan takes the microphone, it’s like George Michael comes and visits our house.
Come Clean: Oh, God, does stee love this song. Number three on Songs That Stay In Your Head Constantly the Year You Can’t Stop Playing This Game.
Don’t You Forget About Me: Only Frank has been able to sing this song without approaching Medley Failed status. He did what I had to do the first time I played this game. He turned completely around, plugged his ear with his free hand, closed his eyes and pretended he was far, far away from this game. It’s the only way I got through “Killing Me Softly” because the game is telling you “Follow this blue line! Now follow it down to a note you’ve never heard of before in this song you know by heart and have been singing in the shower since you were a child.”
I don’t know nothin’ ’bout no music theory, other than I now have a theory that I’m very bad at singing. I had no idea until I needed to play this game. My parents used to tell me I couldn’t sing, back when I was a kid. Then I was in a musical in high school, and I thought I was singing like a bad ass, until I heard the other girls do an impression of my “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” that involved screaming at the top of their lungs [Glarkware appears to be out of their “Loud is the New Good” shirts, which uh, is apparently exactly what my singing style is]. So. I thought I had earned my singing street cred back when I went on to perform a musical sketch in my troupe for like, a year, but apparently it worked because when I sing, people laugh. Hmm. It’s all starting to make sense.
So I can’t sing and I didn’t really know it until I played this game that wants me to hit “notes” in a certain “range” using “octaves” and/or “harmony.” No idea what they’re talking about. Then I think, “Well, if showmanship doesn’t count, what good is this damn game? If only they’d merge Dance Dance Revolution with Karaoke Revolution 3 — then we’d have a match.” Except: I’m horrible at the Dance Dance game. I think I’m a good dancer. Then I “compete” against my “peers” to determine I have no “rhythm” or “ability to move my feet in a pattern” which is, I believe, the definition of “dancing.”
Flashdance…What A Feeling: I don’t want to talk about it. Used to be my go-to Karaoke song, once I no longer had Chuy to sing “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” with anymore. Now this computer has mathematically proven I’m horrible at it. Damn. I probably shouldn’t have used it as a closer of that one-woman show I did in 2000. Sorry, Austin!
Hold On: Our coffee shop, over this past weekend. Dan and I are “working.”
[scripty]
Dan
What’s “Hold On”?
Pam
Not Wilson Phillips.
Dan
Right. But how does it go?
Pam
“Duh-nuh… a PAP-ER-BACK NO-VEL!
Dan
No. That’s not it.
Pam
Is it Nickelback?
Dan
I don’t know.
Pam
“Wandering through dun-nuh-nuh. Fliiieeeeee!”
Dan
God. Yeah, it’s that one, I think.
Pam
“Flllieeeeee!”
Dan
Stop it.
Pam
“We were meant to live for SO MUCH MORE!”
Dan
Oh. Yeah, you’re singing “Meant To Live.”
Pam
What’s that? That’s a song? Nickelback?
Dan
What’s “Hold On?”
Pam
Hold on, let me think. Hold on.
Dan
Stop saying it.
Pam
I mean it. Hold on. I have to clear my head of everything good or fun. Wait. Wait. “HOOOOLD ON! WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE LETTING GO!”
Dan
That man is staring at you.
Pam
“Hoooold on! Duh-nuh-NAH-NAH-meant to live!”
Dan
Fucking Good Charlotte.
[/scripty]
If I Ain’t Got You: Boy can we make this Grammy winner sound like the worst song ever written.
Joy to the World: Dan’s hatred of both “American Pie” and “All Star” (and Andie McDowell) is what bonded us in the first place. While I don’t hate this song nearly as much as he does, I must add to the list of immediate hate: one single syllable of The Offspring and I want to rip out my eyebrows.
Leave (Get Out): What’s horrible is now I listen to the songs on the radio I’d normally turn off with a single note. Like this one. I always wondered why it was called “Leave” when we don’t sing it a single time in the song. And then I heard it on the radio the other day, with that background shouting, “LEAVE!” What a terrible, terrible song.
Love Shack: Oh, Al. You have no idea how hard it is for me to do the Cindy Wilson part instead of Kate. You’re the Cindy! YOU’RE THE CINDY!
Meant to Live: If you sing this song like you’ve got no nose, you can sing it perfectly. “Flllliiiiieeee! Flyyyyy!”
Take My Breath Away: This song? Is too damn long.
The Reason: My saving grace. I may not be able to hang with songs that require actual singing, but all Hoobastank wants is for you to be loud. And loud I can be. Dan and I were accidentally overheard one afternoon discussing how perfect this song is. We meant for the KR3, but the sneering hipster in line in front of us didn’t catch that. I shouted, “It’s a game!” but he was too busy watching his hair get dirtier to hear me.
Under Pressure: Number one on the Songs Stuck In My Head, but I only hear Dan singing it. Just the “Give Love” part. So loud. My head is so loud these days. The other songs stuck in my head are from the other game, the one that Dan will tell you about later. [Teaser!]
When I’m Gone: No idea what this is.
Why Can’t I: Stephanie came over and sang it with the dirty word put back in. But it’s already a pretty dirty song for something that’s been the theme on every tween movie trailer. “We’re already wet and we’re gonna go swimming?” Also, this is best done with stee and dan singing at the same time. Brings a tear to the eye, it does.
Hey, Karaoke Revolution 4– can I get some Pixies up in this piece? How about Radiohead? Weezer? Can I please hear an Edie Brickell song? Guns N’ Roses? Something that doesn’t require me to actually know how to sing? Because I keep playing this game with people who either have degrees in music, play instruments or sing professionally and I’m losing big time. Throw a bone to the William Hungs, would ya?
[I now throw it back to Djb but first this]