Looks like someone else needs to make a five-year plan. Nobody wants David’s book. Also: “In what has to be one of the most unusual auctions for a book, publishers summoned to meet Blaine by his lawyer/agent, David Vigliano, are instructed to finish or put away any food they’re eating before the magician arrives: he…

I keep forgetting to set an appointment for my dental cleaning, which is due. And there’s a sharp spot behind my front lower teeth, something that I absolutely cannot stop rubbing my tongue against. Now the front of my tongue is scraped, and itches until I rub it against my lower teeth again, which causes…

The business of me. Debating my future.

Don’t fret, Dan. I got a show cancelled too.

In case you’re as obsessed with Arsoa soap as I am (at a facial last month, the skin woman told me that whatever I was using was perfect and to not change it (Arsoa in the morning; Dr. Hauschka at night), I’ve been contacted by a company who lets you buy the soap through Paypal.…

I’m not a “cow person,” but that doesn’t mean you can’t be. Behold, the latest in my inbox: Hi Pamie! I have a serious and shallow problem. I have thought about it and thought about it and I have concluded that you are the only one who can help me. I am getting married in…

“Love Actually: Despite a title that sounds like it came out of Hugh Grant’s trachea…” Omar is so funny.

What’s fantastic isn’t that David Blaine’s about to leap from a helicopter, it’s that I learned we have the same birthday! No wonder that little Aries keeps working his way into my heart. [link via Jermel here in our very own new comments feature]

APE MISBEHAVIN’ — Officer Tarzan helps track down a Canadian woman-beater from “the internet,” while Jane wishes she didn’t love her monkey friend so much. Clayton and Xena flirt like siblings do, and the rest of us have to wait a full fifty-four minutes for any Tarzan flesh. So not fair.