If there were a kind of porn site where I just watched people who had time on their hands do all the things I wish I still had time to do, I would… well, I wouldn’t have time to watch it. These days I hear about people binge-watching entire seasons of a tv series over their weekends and I’m drooling, it sounds so luxurious. I get jealous every night when the baby has her bath, because sometimes there are bubbles, and I miss just deciding to take a long, hot bath and then taking one while reading an entire book. I used to have so much time! Time I wasted thinking I needed to be doing something with all that time! I never appreciated it and now it’s gone and you guys, I have regrets.

The other day I couldn’t find my library card. “It’s on Qwerty’s keys,” I said to Jason and Kristen. “Do you guys know where she keeps her keys?”

“Did you check her pink purse?” asked Jason.

“I did. No keys.”

Kristen said, “I know they aren’t in her owl purse. I found that earlier and all it has is her phone.”

This keys-having, phone-toting, two-purse-and-a-library-card owning child is seventeen-months old.

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  1. Miranda

    The other day my 19-year-old coworker was complaining to me about how busy she is with her part-time job and classes at the community college. I mean, now that she works three days in a row she is just. so. tired.

    I was about to explain to her that none of the adults she works with care how busy she thinks she is, but then I realized “Aww, she has no idea that this is the easiest her life is ever going to be. Let her have this one.”

    Being an adult requires too much work. Can we all form a union and see if we can negotiate better hours?

  2. Paul Tabachneck

    My life took a weird turn that resulted in a promotion at my day job, so I totally get it. Album-release-time is always a busy weird time but doing it around a 40-hour workweek is hellacious.

  3. Jacinda

    Really? REALLY? One child, lots of help. Boo fucking hoo.

  4. Annebeth

    My 20 month old can work the iPhone better then both her grandparents and she has her own library card too. All she wants is books, books books,. All I want is to nap, nap, nap but she always wins!

  5. Julie

    Yeah, I have to say, when I had one baby, I look back and think WOW life was so easy (but it wasn’t to me at the time). Two kids, and no extended family for hours away, and life becomes a very different prospect. But I get it, time takes on new meaning when you have less of it to spare!

  6. Ruthie

    Life with little kids is no joke. Our two-year-old still needs near-constant surveillance and entertainment, and it will wear you down. BUT the good news is that it gets better! The older boy is now five, and he can entertain himself (with minimal risk to life and limb) for almost an hour at a time. Two hours, if he has the iPad. And last week when I was in bed sick, he actually GOT HIMSELF A SNACK. I know! It was like a miracle. Hang in there….

  7. ace

    Where’d you go??? It’s been 4 months!

    1. Pamie

      I know. I’m sorry! It’s been crazy.