a letter from taylor.
I did not see you sneak up on me like that. I was busy reading this very funny guy talk about his job. What is a fax? I don’t know, but iz funny, no? I like Stee very much. I think he’z a very nice person, with a very funny wit, yes?
You know what I do not like? Ih? Zee new thing in my house pamie calls a “Cal.” Pih! Pih! Just saying that vile word makes my Pounce come back up on me. What a horrible creature is this “Cal.” Pih!
We decided it was time to get a new cat.
Taylor has seemed quite depressed and we found ourselves thinking of Lillith often. We went down to the animal shelter Saturday afternoon. I walked in and was looking at one of the cats when an arm popped out from a cage and grabbed my sleeve. Lillith’s arm. This cat looked just like Lillith, but young and healthy. The eyes were a different color. But it was a beautiful Russian Blue, just like Lillith.
thinking about our home
We are still debating the “get a new kitty” thing at the house. Taylor is very vocal lately, which he has never been before. He’s constantly at our sides, which he really never did. He lets you pet him, he plays, he runs around the house. He cries and moans until we feed him a little treat. I thought maybe he was just doing that to get treats, but last night he didn’t even eat it. He played with it for a little while and then went back to crying and whining. It’s not like him. We think that he misses someone to beat up on, like he had with Lillith. He would just stay hidden, come out to bat her around a little, give her a bath and then go back into hiding. Now he’s always out. He sleeps by my side. He follows me around in the mornings. Today when I was about to leave for work he stood in front of the door. He never does that. I’ve been leaving the television on when I leave the house, but it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick. But we are really worried about bringing in a new cat. What if that’s exactly what Taylor doesn’t want? What if he’s happier by himself, and we just don’t know that this is the happy version of Taylor? I mean, one was a bit of a friendly bully, and this Taylor is sort of a whiny bully. You can pet him for a while, but then he’ll bat at you. It used to be he’d bat at you right away. If we bring in a new cat is it going to make Taylor feel second?
haiku for the hungover
Good-bye party fun.
All my good friends showed up there.
They made me feel good.
we played poker late.
i think tequila was there.
hey i won twelve bucks.
i ain’t no one’s kathie lee
I took a little vacation yesterday. I did it because I couldn’t stay awake all day long. I just kept falling asleep and having the strangest dreams. For some reason in the dream the Donnie and Marie Behind the Music that I had been watching got melded with the Lenny Bruce documentary that I had watched the night before and I was really upset that Donnie had resorted to racist humor to get ratings.
It was that kind of weird day.
click– quick little note — click, click click, click running out of time…
I came to work this morning and found out that my machine is being moved today. Today, as in a few hours. I’ve spent all morning trying to save the files and e-mail that I want to keep.
Thus, no time for a real entry today.
Which I think, in the long run, is a good thing, since whenever I stop to think I think about Lillith. My friend Ali framed a picture of her. I found it on my desk this morning. She’s looking at me now, Lillith is, with that “I’m hungry” look. She’s all fat and healthy in that picture. It’s nice to have her looking at me.
Oh, there I go again. I’ve got to stop. I keep breaking up in tears at work (smaller tears, but still) and people are starting to think that I’m crying because I’m leaving this place in a week.
I’ve got to get back to saving things to disk.
See you tomorrow.
family status report
You guys really are the best. Thank you for all of your kind words and thoughts and prayers. Quite a few of you have sent me the above picture. It made me smile.
It’s quiet here at my house. It’s very strange. Eric is at work, so it’s just me and Taylor. He keeps sitting close to me and rubbing his head into my hand. He didn’t like to be pet before. We both have the blues.
I find myself looking in places where she would sit– just out of habit. It feels so empty here without her. Quiet. I just miss her.
NOTE: Please don’t read this if needles and sick cats and horrible things make you squeamish.
Lillith had stopped eating Sunday. We couldn’t get her to take food from us like she usually would, and I was forcing vitamins down her with a syringe. We thought maybe it was a one shot deal.
no one ever asks my opinion
“Who are these people?” Eric asked yesterday on the phone.
“Like fan mail?”