Every Tom, Dick and Tina…

Robin: Hey, Pam?

Pam: Yes, Robin?

Robin: Do you think… do you think that The Smothers Brothers became “The Smothers Brothers” because they were brothers and their last name is “Smothers?”

Pam: …Wow.

Robin: I’m just wondering.

Pam: As opposed to what? Continue reading

Activating Dana

Shot during the first weekend of Eyesplosion ’09, I take a study break with Dana in an attempt to activate her. She was supposed to talk about how she “hates injustice.” But she never really got off the subject of me. At fourteen minutes in two parts, it’s an extra-long Activating. But in my defense, it was midnight, not at the office, and with wine…which is why I cut that part at the end where Dana broke into a freestyle rap about my ocular hemorrhage. You’re welcome.

Here’s part one, where we discuss my Blood Eye and how I appear to be quickly creating one hot-looking corpse.

Part two is all about fashion as Dana gives me a “compliment” that will continue to haunt me every time I go to my closet.

Hope you enjoy.

Cat on the Prowl: Pamela Ribon

Cat Davis had me on her show. She made me cook for her, dress her, repeatedly defend my sexual identity, and perform my unrehearsed Cat Davis impression while sleeveless in harsh sunlight. She made me laugh so hard I got all teary and so there’s something in my eye for the first half of the episode.

Come share half an hour with the two Vageniuses. What better way to spend those last few minutes you’re stuck in the office?

This Turkey Day Eve, Cat is super thankful to be on the prowl with writer/comedian (and Cat Davis doppleganger) Pamela Ribon (Samantha Who?). It’s holiday heartbreak time when Kevyn cheats on Cat, and Pamie breaks the news that Cat has no chance with a certain Samantha Who? actress (whose name rhymes with “Mean Heart”).

Thank goodness for holiday comfort food! Pam shares her favorite Thanksgiving recipe, and Cat drowns her sorrows in pumpkin pudding. It turns out to be a happy holiday after all when Cat all but succeeds in taking the “Honor” out of straight Pam’s “Honorary Lesbian” status.

I had the video embedded, but the margins cut off the right side of the frame. So instead, go here to watch.

(I’m doing a parody of Cat’s opening from this episode.)

(More of Cat on the Prowl right here.)

small world

So Ragan sends me a link to this video. It makes me laugh. A lot. (When he removes his glasses, from then on I am in hysterics.). I forward the video. We watch it at work. (Marco: “Not a hit with the straight guys. They ran over to watch it and then wandered away like the pack of coyotes who got to the carcass after the meat had been stripped.”) It’s the fun video of the day. I get an email the next day for this link — turns out the video was directed by my talented friend Alex Staggs!

(“Grove ticket ripper” has been the slam of the week around here.)

Cat Davis on Brunch with Bridget

Cat’s about to get her on vlog on afterellen.com, but until then you can watch this, and find out why we keep getting mistaken for each other. Like, everywhere we go.

…Yes, I have a lot of funny lesbian friends. But I’m still not a lesbian, no matter how many wishes they might make. Sorry, gay ladies!


punch-up: a process where we individually go through the writer’s first draft and offer up suggestions for jokes, story structure, and/or cuts. Then we get into one room and offer up all of our suggestions at the same time until the writer is convinced he or she should never write anything ever again while simultaneously just as sure that we are all a bunch of hacks who have no business telling him or her what’s funnier than what they wrote.

The process repeats with each subsequent draft. I find it easier to do punch-ups on later drafts. The first one I’m thinking of the writer, and how nervous he or she must be. So I’m always like, "Yay! It’s really funny!" and silently: "Oh, you didn’t use that joke I pitched a couple of weeks ago. You hate me." And, even more silently: "Yay! You used that joke I pitched a couple of weeks ago! You like me!"

First draft attachment. I have it. To be honest, I have lots of attachments. I am not the best at letting go. So when we move on and get to later drafts, I’m usually the one thinking, "I liked the joke we had six jokes ago."

Back to punching up. (But page 16: he used a joke I pitched a couple of weeks ago!)

Fake Viewer Mail

Hey, Pamie.

Longtime reader here. I was just wondering what happened to your friend Michelle Biloon, the one who used to run an advice column in your forum with her mother? Fun fact about Michelle: She once got her viewer mail answered on the Letterman program. True story!


Bigger Michelle Fan Than You


Dear Fan:

I did know that. I know everything about you, because I just created you as an excuse to brag that Michelle’s got a big article about how awesome she is in this week’s LA Weekly.


Hey, Pamie. Did you see the part where she totally dissed you?



Dear Fan.

I once spent an entire night doing my Michelle Biloon impression in front of people she hadn’t met before. I had that one coming.

and yes, i know he’s not even mexican.

For those of you who keep writing to me asking for more information on the ridiculous Rogan/Mencia debacle, please read Irwin’s latest, which says pretty much exactly what I would have told you.

I’d add one more thing. Mencia’s been dealing with Rogan’s freak-outs for a long time. So much so that my favorite fake pitch for Mind of Mencia is still my friend’s suggestion: “A Minute With Joe Rogan.” And every week we cut to Joe Rogan screaming, “Why are you still WATCHING this crap?! Why is it the second-highest rated show on Comedy Central, under South Park?! WHY!?!? What is WRONG with you people?” Just getting worse and worse every week until he pulls out all of his hair.

Ned didn’t start this round of bullshit, either. Rogan did. Because Ned’s fans? The ones who sell out ampitheatres and buy all that merchandise? They don’t give a shit about this stuff. They think Rogan’s the “Fear Factor” guy. They don’t care. They just want to laugh, and Ned makes them laugh. A lot. For hours and hours and hours.

And come on, that fence joke? If you didn’t come up with that punchline on your own after thinking for ten seconds, you’re in the wrong business.