Category: Blog
-
and then I’ll make her my Mrs. Itty
Miss Itty is fourteen years old. We have all waited patiently for her to reach maturity and know the touch of a man. A man named me. The time has come to start counting down to a time when the world will be able to have her as its own, on that day of her…
-
a very long excuse for why I’m not exercising
Almost exactly one year ago, I came home for four days for my future sister-in-law’s bridal shower. Yes, I’m a boy and yes, I wasn’t reeeeeeeally invited, by my mom was feeling stressed about it and I had a tiny break between seasons of ANTM, so I hopped on a plane and spent the weekend…
-
Sending Letters to the Universe
Happy Birthday, Jeff “Old Man” Long. Uncle Junior is wearing a party hat and not much else. Dan, I miss you. Please come home soon. Al, if the B-52’s can write a love song to a wig, so can you. Rebecca, I cannot wait to throw down at your wedding…but how will we ever top…
-
Shea Stadium in April
I usually go to at least one game in the spring, and it’s usually cold, but…dude. Tonight (the worst game ever, even if the Mets had won, which they DID NOT…seriously, look at how Philly scored those three runs in the third), the temperature went from late January to early March and the back again,…
-
thanks, Jay
Memories of high school compliments of my friend Jay. Is it possible we were really this cool?
-
Wednesday, April 4
Way back in December of 2003, I attended a TWOP Recappers Summit in Las Vegas. I was living in New York and working around the clock at the time, attempting to balance the endless rigors of my two ersatz careers: working in publicity and singing Christmas carols at a loud Italian restaurant. This strange crunch…
-
keep your armies in your sleevies.
Whenever I open a new bag of cat food and pour it into the cat food container, Taylor acts like he just won a jackpot, pulling himself up to the stream of kibble, trying to catch one in his mouth mid-stream. I can’t imagine how much more delightful and tasty one-second old kibble is compared…
-
Comedy.
Come see me! CIRQUE DU BASTARD Brently Heilbron and friends Release your inner illegitimate child with Brently Heilbron’s Cirque du Bastard. From the creator of The Richard Simmons Mysteries comes the story of the unwanted children of Cirque Du Soleil. Half-French Canadian, half-human being, entirely epic. Starring a litany of “musicians and comedians substituting acrobatics…