Whenever I open a new bag of cat food and pour it into the cat food container, Taylor acts like he just won a jackpot, pulling himself up to the stream of kibble, trying to catch one in his mouth mid-stream. I can’t imagine how much more delightful and tasty one-second old kibble is compared to the stuff he eats every day, but his excitement leads me to think that there’s a very big difference.
And then, this morning, I opened a new bag of coffee beans, and as I poured them into the coffee beans container, I started salivating. And if it were possible, I would have swiped a couple of those beans with my paw and jammed them right into my mouth, whole.
I get it, Taylor. I get it.
Yesterday I helped four-year old Micah pick out a sweater from her drawer. I asked if she needed help putting it on, and she said that she could do it on her own. She turned to me and said, “Pam. When putting a sweater on over a long sleeve, you want to hold on to the sleeve with your hand like this, so it doesn’t get stuck inside the sweater.” She demonstrated, and then she stopped, made sure I was paying attention and said with incredible seriousness, “It’s just a good idea.”
Watch out, Martha Stewart.
So those new phones from Boost Mobile with the GPS built right inside? These things are going to cause problems. I know a woman invented this device — a phone with a mapping system that tells you where the other phone is right now. It’s not some guy who wants to play Hostage Crisis with his friend inventing this perk.
“Where ya at?”
“Oh, uh… I’m at the store.”
“Why is that store inside Cheetahs?”
“Oh, oh, oh, no, baby. I’m actually just walking past Cheetahs. I’m outside, on the street. I got lost on my way to the store, and I made a wrong turn and I think this GPS might be broken.”
“You were supposed to be at the store half an hour ago when you left to go to the store! So I’m gonna ask you again. Where. Ya. At?”
“…Baby, you’re cutting out. i’m gonna have to call you back from the store.”
Brently and I were talking about this phone the other night, and how technology is making it very difficult to get away with even the polite lie.
“Why didn’t you respond to my text?”
“Oh, I don’t think I got it. This stupid phone drops a lot of texts.”
“I know you got it, because I receive a confirmation text back when you open your text and read it. See?”
“Oh. Um, sometimes friends of mine check my texts and forget to tell me. Oh, see? Here it is. I never read this one.”
“Your friends read your texts?”
“I have to go.”
“Happy birthday! I bought you a new phone. Now we can see where each other are all the time, and we never have to miss each other!”
“This thing has a GPS in it?”
“Yeah! Isn’t that cool?”
“We’ll always know where the other one is. Always, always, always.”
“Oh, no. I just accidentally dropped it. Oh, and I can’t believe I just stepped on it, too. I’ll go get that fixed later.”
“Where the hell have you been at?”
“Baby, the worst thing happened. I was at the store, just like you wanted me to be, and I bought everything you asked for, and then I was walking to the car, and this guy put a gun to my head and said he wanted my phone. That’s all he wanted. Just my phone. And baby, I thought of you right then, and I knew you’d want me to give him the phone. So I did. And then he said that if met him in two days right at this very spot? He’d return my phone. And baby, guess what? He did! He really did! I stayed right here for two days, and he came right back with my phone! I know now he went to Vegas with my phone because he told me when he returned it. But I didn’t go to Vegas. My phone went to Vegas. …. Hello?”