with the keeping on and living and all. Kicking off birthday week with style and grace. I mean, let’s face it. Just about everything I do is dripping with style and grace. Right down to the bump on my forehead I got last night from smacking my head on my nightstand in my sleep. Grace.…

on hold with me Could there possibly be anything worse than being on hold listening to some jazz-crap rendition of “Girl From Ipanema?” I don’t think so. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’ve been on hold for almost half an hour. I’m missing other phone calls. I have a stack of phone calls I…

[scripty] CHARACTERS GINA (All of her lines are sung. She only comes to life when she’s singing.) BILL RITA PAUL SETTING: AN OFFICE WORKROOM. PRESENT DAY. The loud music should either be horrible Muzak or just mechanical churning industrial-like noises. An upbeat tempo is preferred. Loud and fast. If the music can be accompanied by…

and why carnie wilson saved my life Yesterday’s Oprah was just amazing. “Thin People That Used To Be Fat.” Ol’ Carnie out there freaking out about how she used to be too big to live and now she’s thin and lives off a pool of water every day and she doesn’t miss having an organ…

i hate everything Just in case you’ve been living under a rock: The Squishy Store is open for businessI never watch soaps but one’s on right now while I’m waiting for Oprah and I think I just heard the worst line reading ever for, “Hey, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you…

God, I’m annoying. First of all, oh man. I don’t know if you’ve already seen the new button on the sidebar, but just in case you haven’t, and just in case haven’t heard me bitching and moaning and just in case you haven’t been one of the ones asking me about it: The Squishy Store…

and letting go You meet for drinks. Conversation. You both have the rare free night. You meet to catch up. You find that you don’t have as much time to spend together anymore. On one hand this is good because you’re supposed to be focused on yourself right now. On the other hand, you feel…

i make excuses and see into your soul Grown Up Week has spilled over into this week. I ended up not taking the driving test or registering my car because I had to find my birth certificate and car title. I have too many pieces of important paper that I lump in with unimportant pieces…

the los angeles kind I’ve been trying to make this Grown Up Week, where I take care of all the grown-up things I have to do. I was going to get my new driver’s license, registration, insurance, get my oil changed and my smog check — basically do everything I’ve been putting off for too…