i make excuses and see into your soul

Grown Up Week has spilled over into this week. I ended up not taking the driving test or registering my car because I had to find my birth certificate and car title. I have too many pieces of important paper that I lump in with unimportant pieces of paper and then they take forever to find.

I found them, but now I’m going to have to take my test later this week.

I don’t even have that much to talk about today, since I’m crazy behind in my work. I’m trying to understand my body’s work schedule. I’m much more creative and able to zone in on my work at night, or in the afternoon. In the morning I just can’t seem to get any work done. I sit and surf, answer email, work on my forum, but I just can’t seem to sit down and write. I used to get all of my work done during the day. I used to have my evenings free. At some point I started working both day and night and was always tired during the day. Now I seem to just put things off until the afternoon or the evening. I can’t seem to get my ass in gear until Oprah’s on.

Blah, blah, blah. There is no entry in my entry, here. No story to tell. Let me think of one.

I seem to have cut inside my belly button. I have no idea how I’ve done this. It’s pretty amazing that I can get a cut or a bruise on any part of my body as long as I’m not paying enough attention.

Yeah, that’s no good.

Oh, here’s something. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but man this town loves the Oscars. The news on Friday was just preparations for the Oscars. Things were shut down, shows were cancelled, people are driving frantically to this party or that. The news the next day is covering the parties and the clothes from the night before. I understand that this is the town where the movies are made and for one night the world is watching, but it really is just an awards show, and I can’t believe the amount of excitement going into them. People are angry about Julia or Russell or whatever. Like, livid angry.

And there I was last night freaking out about Marcia Gay Harden winning one. Now granted, she’s from UT, and she taught a guest class for a week so I feel a sort of kinship with her, but I found myself way too invested in this awards show, and I didn’t even know why.

It’s like Saturday night when I went out. There was a sort of feel to the air, this sort of buzz or hum. People seemed angrier, or on edge. I felt nervous walking into the convenience store. It’s that feeling you get in a bad dream where you know bad things are about to happen and you can’t stop them and you’re going to have to stand there and watch everything go wrong. Nothing really happened, but I just wanted to leave that convenience store as quickly as possible. I knew something was going to happen, but I didn’t know when or how.

I get these things sometimes. I always have. Types of energies or whatever. I don’t really understand it, but it’s sort of a sense about people. Sometimes I can tell what they’re thinking. This sounds so stupid. Let me give you an example.

I can tell when some people are going to call. I always know when it’s my mother. Sometimes when I’m missing someone, I can think about them long enough that they’ll call or email. I really like that.

But there’s the bad side as well. Particularly when I don’t listen to my impulses, bad things can happen. Or sometimes I know what’s going to happen, but I can’t do anything about it. I can see what other people are going to do with their lives sometimes. I’ll have dreams that are very close to reality. I’m not all “I see dead people” or anything, but I think it’s interesting how some people are more in touch with the energies and the patterns that our lives take and can recognize what will probably happen in the near future. I’m much better at hearing people that I’m closest to. Sometimes I can tell what they’re about to say, or when they’re going to call, or why they’re calling even if they haven’t asked. If Eric couldn’t find something in the house, I usually could tell him where it was, even if I had nothing to do with where it was, or if I never saw it before. I try and use these impulses and emotions for positive things. I’d like to think that leaving that convenience store the other night as soon as I could was a good thing. Unfortunately, without going back there I really don’t know if I had helped myself at all. And since I had already made the choice to leave, whatever would have happened if I had stayed never happened, so going back wouldn’t have shown anything at all.

I am totally babbling.

I have two recaps to finish. I should go do those now.

Yeah, I don’t know. I’ll try and write a real entry tomorrow. This is just the thoughts in my head right now. It might not be filled with the funny-funny, but it’s at least honest. Today my thoughts are pretty boring. Even with the coffee I just had.

Oh, here’s something scary. My birthday is next week. I’m not too happy about this, people. I just turned 25. I’m not done with it yet.

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