The coffeehouse where I’m working this morning has officially turned into a Fellini film. The old man standing two in front of me on line wordlessly handed the barista a white rose and walked away, as the slightly younger woman behind him danced twirlingly to the music on the PA. I thought at first that…

Dude, are you kidding me with this? Good thing I got my emergency kit together. Because you know what people need immediately when faced with a sudden crisis of this magnitude? Gauze. So, yeah. Good thing I had gauze.

Tomorrow, Sunday, I will be commemorating the fourth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks by going shopping for an earthquake preparation kit. Stop being jealous of my awesome and not-at-all depressing or slightly fucked up day. If you’re really nice, I might even invite you along to wander the halls of the hardware store…

…I haven’t gotten it. My pamie.com email has been down for a while, but we’re working on it and it should be fixed ASAP. Resume sending delicious cakes and pies to my pamie.com email address shortly. Thanks!

In general, I don’t listen to much KCRW. Among certain, much-more-hipster-than-thou audiences in LA, the preceding statement would be akin to telling a seven year-old girl, “I do not find small kittens to be adorable. Oh, and you can’t actually become a princess when you grow up.” But, I’m sorry, a lot of the shows…

The thermometer on the bank next door to where I’m typing these words reads “104°.” Still, having grown up in a place where the summer has a smell (of rotting garbage) and the humidity kills the homeless, this really doesn’t feel hot to me. I still consider any day containing sunshine to be a “nice…

LA Things I’ve never done, cars parked in the sun Living in the day Last night I was about to throw it all away On Friday, my iPod upped and erased all 5,000 of its songs. On Saturday, we spent five hours fixing it. I’m not a parent, but I imagine it was the same…

It’s been a week of strange nostalgia. My mom sent my brother a giant box of videotapes encompassing a rather lengthy swath of our histories, beginning when I was around twelve years old and terminating rather abruptly the second I graduated from high school. Like, the SECOND. In fact, the tape labeled “Dan’s High School…

GOOD: Me: I mean, yes. I suck at pool, but it’s fun to finally have, like, an actual hobby. My editor: You know I have a pool table in my house. Me: You have a what table in the where now? My editor: It’s on a little balcony that overlooks the large-screen TV. My writing…

Rule #1 on the long list of rules governing when it’s a good time to leave New York, the city you grew up in, and move across the country for the first time: try, if you can, not to complete that move on September 4, 2001. Your first week will be bad. Your second week…