Smashing Pumpkins: Zeitgeist

Song: “Tarantula

The first few notes of this album are the closest to a time machine I’ve felt in a long time.

Boom. I’m back in college, driving that familiar stretch of nothing between Katy and Austin, heartsick and homesick and lovesick all at once. Over-stressed and over-scheduled, living off of seconds of sleep and a deep desire to turn the music up.

I don’t know how many times I made that trip between my dorm room and my bedroom over the years I went to UT. But I know not one time did I cross those 140 miles without a Smashing Pumpkins album by my side.

I’ve written about this history before (here and here). Finding that last link made me realize that this site recently turned nine years old.Nine years. Some of you have been reading my babble for nine years. And of all the words I’ve written that you’ve soaked up with your eyes, I can’t even come up with one that accurately describes the feeling of knowing that we’ve been doing this thing together for nine years.

Nine years ago, right now, I was about to take my first trip to Los Angeles, to see if there was any way I could make it out there in the big, scary world of comedy. I have a lot of memories about that trip, but the one that still haunts me is when we found the dumpster filled with headshots. I remember being lost on Wilshire, feeling completely in another world at The Dresden, and sitting on the curb outside a bar on the corner of Sunset and Hollywood and Hillhurst where it turns into Virgil, staring at this weird intersection thinking, “How am I supposed to find a way to live here?” That bar is where I had my 32nd birthday party this year. And at that party were best friends from the Internet, best friends from shows I’ve worked on, best friends from college, and a best friend from high school. All melded together in this place where I once sat and wondered, “What’s going to happen to me?”

Nine years later, I’m still wondering. But it’s nice that you’re still here. Everything changes eventually, which always makes me appreciate the things that last the longest. Endurance is admirable.

And I think these years have been good to you. Seriously, you are looking ultra hot. Keep on doing what you’ve been doing. Let’s see if we can keep this thing rolling into year ten.

And as for whether or not I’ve learned anything in the past nine years, look at this crazy thing I wrote:

But seriously, if someone could explain women to me, I’d really appreciate it. I’d just like to feel good about myself after a conversation with a bunch of women. Why do they like “Ally McBeal?” What’s the big deal about Matt Damon? Why do they want to know about my yeast infections? Why do they talk to me when I’m peeing? Why do they stare? Why do they stare?

I’m proud to say I’ve learned the answers to all of those questions (and some questions with much tougher answers), and now know how incredibly important the women in my life have been and continue to be. Some of those women I met through this page, and some of them just come here to check in on me. I love you all very much. Thanks for showing me why girls are weird, and why that has made all the difference.

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