my shoes hurt

a good weekend.

The show went very well. Much better than I had ever anticipated. I haven’t been on stage like that since the Aspen audition, and for a few weeks a while back I was feeling pretty shitty about myself and all those “what-am-i-doing” doubts that creep into your head were starting to overcome me. It felt good to get onstage and just make people laugh for forty-five minutes. Just be me and have it be okay. Good, even.

So, I’m feeling better about myself.

Played too many video games yesterday and my arms hurt. Had a few parties. Met some new people. At one point in my house on Saturday night, there were two people I hadn’t met before except through Squishy and the rest were some of my closest friends– some that read, and some that don’t. I felt a bit naked. But naked in a good way. (shutup, you). Like, “Well, this is me. Hope you like it.” The good news is they all told Eric that Cal is clearly trying to kill me.

Called one of my best friends on Saturday to wish him a Happy Birthday. He’s moving to LA soon as well. The good news is he’ll be living in Texas for a few weeks before he goes. I’ve only seen him twice over the past eight years, so I’m pretty stoked about hanging out with him again.

I had to pull out my High School Yearbook on more than one occasion this weekend. I don’t know if it bothers me or if it’s a relief that names and faces are starting to fade away from those years.

A weekend like this, where I get to see friends that I’ve been too busy to see lately, makes me wish I had more time. More time for everything. I hate missing my friends so much. I miss the ones that are far away the most, sometimes, because I can’t just go hang out with them on Tuesday night. I just can’t. Boston isn’t around the corner. I have no idea how to get to Central America (I’m not even sure where in Central America he is). And although Los Angeles is a city that keeps coming up in daily conversation, the people I love over there are so far away it makes my heart ache.

But we all got to be together this weekend (in a last-minute “birthday week” send-off) and it was a complete blast. As Matt pointed out, we were at our funniest, which doesn’t always happen. We didn’t have to play a game or argue over Saturday Night Live or anything. It was actually like four different parties. As new people showed up or left, the dynamics of the gathering changed, and the party changed as well.

There’s a leak in my bathroom. The ceiling. The air conditioner is leaking over the sink. The water cooler (Eric’s precious water cooler) broke. The water knob broke off. We have to use vice clamps to get water out of it. The lamp in the living room burned out, and we have to go to Wal-Mart to get a replacement bulb. No time for that, so my bedroom lamps are all over the living room. Last night there were seven empty boxes of beer and six empty boxes of Diet Coke by the garbage. We cleaned all of our laundry, but then were too sleepy to put it away the other night. There are piles of clean and dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor.

My apartment looks like a sophomore year dorm room. It kinda rules. Don’t tell anyone I said that. Eric’s all going “mommy dearest” on me and shit. Clutter like that totally breaks him down and he must clean. He must clean.

I, on the other hand, prefer to push it away, and ignore it.

I’m disgusting.

Last night’s “Sex and the City” when Miranda was teary-eyed, worried that her new boyfriend will like her less when he finds out that she’s messy, never does laundry, doesn’t know how to cook, and “drops things”– I don’t know. I got all sad and for the first time, really liked Miranda. I know that fear. “I’ll never be a girlie-girl.” That whole feeling of not being the mother on The Wonder Years.

I’m just babbling right now. My neck hurts from the Rapid Tubing video game. I think Chris dislocated my right shoulder trying to get us out of the whirlpool.

Sweet Jeff leaves for New York on Saturday Morning. The Monks perform for the last time in the Velveeta Room this weekend. My show will close on Saturday. I recap my last episode of “Get Real” this week. It’s all sorta bumming me out. I’m excited about the new things, but I’m sad about the ones that are ending.

So, I should just stop now.

Leave a Reply