What have we learned about me in the almost three years I’ve lived in Los Angeles? We’ve learned that I still don’t understand how television works. We’ve learned that even though they may have taped a segment for The New Tom Green Show this afternoon in Burbank, it may not air until tomorrow or the next day or next week, or — in the case of Big Boob Girl — never.

So, yeah. Now I’ve asked you to watch both Jay Leno and Tom Green, both without a payoff. I feel that isn’t right, and that I should apologize for hurting you, your eyes, your family’s trust, your TiVo, your VCR’s, whatever it is you use to find out that once again I’m not “making it” in Hollywood.

I don’t know when the Megyn Price segment is airing. I thought, for some stupid reason, that the show was live.

I still don’t know how Hollywood works.

That’s why I’m currently in Berkeley.

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