It’s been one of those days where I haven’t really had time to stop and eat, much less take a moment to collect myself. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet and my day isn’t finished, but I’ve had such a big day that I want to write it all down before I possibly forget anything.
I drove over 75 miles today running errands, taking meetings, picking up friends at the airport. I wore my cellphone down to the last battery pulse talking to friends all over the country. I’ve made plans and discussed memories, I’ve discussed religion while eating stalks of celery. I told my life story twice and met new people and sat in a soundproof room that probably was just used for very important people.
Most importantly, today life began for a new human, a tiny being that’s starting a huge journey in a family full of love, with an extended family that can’t wait to be a part of this little girl’s life. Micah Rose Heilbron was born today, and after twenty-eight hours of labor, she was more than welcomed into this world. No matter where I was today, or what I was doing, part of my mind was focused on one hospital room in Hollywood, where people’s entire lives were changing in one single push. I’m going to the hospital tomorrow, and I’ve never done anything like this before. I don’t have many friends with babies (the one I can think of off the top of my head lives very far away from me, and has had a second child I’ve never even seen), so this is all very new for me. From an ultrasound at the first trimester a couple of weeks ago to a nursery tomorrow, suddenly my life is filled with married people and babies and things that sound very grown-up to me.
“Happy Baby Day,” Liz said to me as we hung up this afternoon. Everyone’s so happy to have this new tiny creature around. And her parents are so amazingly talented that I’m sure she already knows the complete works of Brecht by heart and can play the ukelele with her toes. That kid’s gonna take this world by storm.
So you guys have been most helpful with my deodorant situation. I appreciate how you’re not openly mocking me, and in some cases you’re admitting similar problems, which makes me feel like less of a freak. But man, do you guys have some ideas. Some of you swear by a certain deodorant. Others of you walk around topless until you’re all made up, coffeed and ready to walk out the door. And then there are an amazing amount of you who roll up your clothes before you put them on and then unroll them down your chest, like a tiny present to yourself every morning. I find that fascinating, the time and care it would take to roll and unroll something as unruly as a lycra-based polyester shirt. And yes, sometimes I have to wear something like that. Why? Because I’m Big Boob Girl, that’s why. It’s not easy being me.
Anyway, I’m going to try all of the suggestions and let you know which ones worked better than others, since so many of you out there wrote in to ask how it all worked out. Together we’re gonna fix this big-chested, sweaty problem. We aren’t going to be freaks any longer!
So today I did the topless thing, because it’s sexier and my neighbors have decided to re-landscape their house today, which means people were tearing up their lawn at eight this morning. I figured if I walked around without my shirt on, they might put those tall bushes up that used to separate our house just a little faster than they were originally planning.
So, day one: topless while blow-drying hair. Worked like a charm. And imagine the hit counts I’m going to get from that sentence. Pamie.com’s getting some new readers!
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