cult cranium

shopping and competition

Today’s purchases:

Foo Fighters- There Is Nothing Left To Lose
Rage Against the Machine- Battle of Los Angeles
Queen- Greatest Hits
Velvet Goldmine- Soundtrack
Weezer- Pinkerton
The Blair Witch Project- Josh’s Blair Witch Mix


Okay, so I went in to buy the Foo Fighters, Rage and the Fight Club soundtrack. This is what I left with. I forgot about Fight Club until I got back. That always happens. I get sidetracked. I’ve been wanting Pinkerton for a while. I only have it on tape, and it’s too great of an album for me to only hear in my car. I picked up the Queen and then after I got back realized that it doesn’t have “Bohemian Rhapsody” on it. You have to get Classic Queen for that.

Last weekend we decided to play Cranium, and it turned into quite the gathering. Twelve people. Twelve. Did we decide to play four teams of three? No, that would take too long. Three teams of four? No. No “too long.” We played two teams of six. That is the loudest game you’ve ever seen. And since not everyone participates on every question, the teammates were getting restless.

Oh, not my team. My team was very calm and cool and collected. Eric’s team, however, began chanting and shouting and cheering each other on. I’d lean over to give them a card and one of them would shout, “Yeah! That’s my fucking card!” right in my ear.

You’d have to shout to get their attention. “Oooookay! It’s team Heaven’s Gate’s turn. Pick a category.”

And they started laughing… and immediately chanting again.

[scripty]
THE OTHER TEAM
We are a cult! We are a cult! We are a cult!

PAMIE
Great, guys, could you pick a category?

ERIC
How about “data head?”

THE OTHER TEAM
We want data head! We want data head! Read us the question!

PAMIE
To her teammates
Is it bad that I hate the other team?

TEAMMATE
No, I hate them, too.

OTHER TEAMMATE
But they’re rallying! We need to rally! Look how much team spirit they have! That’s why they’re winning!

THE OTHER TEAM
Chuy needs a beer! Chuy needs a beer! He’ll drink a beer!

ERIC
Hold up, guys, I’ll be right back.

THE OTHER TEAM
Eric went to pee! Eric went to pee!

PAMIE
I don’t want to be like them.

TEAMMATE
Me either.

OTHER TEAMMATE
What do you think?

OTHER OTHER TEAMMATE
Huh? Is it our turn?

OTHER TEAMMATE
Are you paying attention?

OTHER OTHER TEAMMATE
I can’t hear anything.

THE OTHER TEAM
We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!

OTHER TEAMMATE
Can’t you talk to Eric or something? Get them to calm down?

PAMIE
Well, since I’m not on his team, he’s not really talking to me.

ERIC
What?

PAMIE
Well, I’m sitting right next to you, but you won’t talk to me because I’m not in your cult.

ERIC
I have to keep my loyalty.

PAMIE
Are you serious?

ERIC
It’s just… I can control them. I control their minds.

PAMIE
Okay, Tyler, what are you talking about?

ERIC
Watch.

He turns to the other team

We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!

THE OTHER TEAM
We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!

ERIC
We like ice cream! We like ice cream!

THE OTHER TEAM
We like ice cream! We like ice cream!

ERIC
Eric is the best! Eric is the best!

THE OTHER TEAM
Eric is the best! Eric is the best!

ERIC
See?

PAMIE
Terrifying.

ERIC
I don’t want to damage my cult leadership by fraternizing with the enemy.

PAMIE
I’ll tell them you sleep with me.

ERIC
No! You’ll ruin everything I’ve worked for!

OTHER TEAMMATE
Can we rally?

TEAMMATE
Can we quit?

OTHER OTHER TEAMMATE
Who won?

PAMIE
Who are you people?

THE OTHER TEAM
We spilled a beer! We spilled a beer!
[/scripty]

So that’s it. I don’t care how long they think the game will take with smaller teams, I’m never hosting the Branch Davidians to a game of Cranium again. They tried to worship the clay.

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