In my family, we employ a strange conversational device that is unfamiliar — and, I imagine, frequently intolerable — to those in the outside world. That is: we lack the ability to perceive the concept of the “rhetorical question.” As follows is a typical conversation between my brother and me that has been occurring since…

Liveblogging the Oscars is a valiant activity, and truly I applaud anyone who undertakes it. And you know what else I love? Talking about movies. And, kind of, talking in general. But following a recent viewing of Transamerica, I offered a totally irony-free review of, “Wow, Felicity Huffman’s performance was really good, you guys!” and…

I had my first cup of coffee since January 7th today. Soon I’m going to be shooting cups of it between my toes. Because I’m not sure you’ve read this in the trades, but caffeine is addictive! Oh, how I missed it. I didn’t even think I did, because after a few headache-y days (more…

First, let me say that the first installment of the Movin’ EZ mix generated more email than I’ve ever gotten regarding a specific entry in the history of the blog. Which is a pretty tremendous feat, considering I’m a semi-blogger who isn’t afraid to tackle the hot-button, email-generating issues of the day, from your favorite…

In health news today: This. Um. What? Or, more to the point: WHAT? The past two years (and, without cease, the past six weeks) have been a constant ping-pong match between Western and Eastern medicine, from pills and tests on one end to homeopathy and “eating sunshine with my eyes” (I’m not making that up)…

When I first got my satellite radio as a birthday gift last year, it was explicitly given to me for the singular purpose of listening to Howard Stern. Now, before you judge me on the basis of that alone, please note that I fall outside of what the world perceives to be his demographic: I…

I’m reeeeeeeeally hungry. Quickly, the backstory: Two and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with a scary medical condition I’m still figuring out a way to write about in a way that doesn’t make it sound like I’m whining but also doesn’t make it sound like I’m dying. Because, truth be told, I’m not…

Today, I am thirty. Effective immediately, the following changes in my lifestyle must ergo go into effect: *Pervasive appreciation of mid-70s easy listening music. *Mistrust and inability to play/understand videogames either a) invented after 1986 or b) not concerning the fine art of karaoke. *Dietary restrictions too numerous to mention because “my body just doesn’t…

My six year-old niece was asked by her teacher to make a list of her New Year’s Resolutions. Here’s what she wrote, verbatim: I want to study better, to get dollar bills, and to do math better. Because with her allowance, people, it is all about the Washingtons.

New Year. Full of promise. Fresh and pure as the driven blah blah bleeeeeeeeeeee. Suck it, 2006. Let me tell you what’s already gone wrong. Make a pot of coffee. And that resolution you made about drinking less coffee? Eff it. Seriously. Eff it right along with the one about calling people back and how…