Please please please understand, I don’t even think I like country music. And I don’t. I don’t think. I don’t like it. Not in the conventional, twangy, my-dog-done-died-from-drinkin’-my-moonshine kind of way. And on a more modern level, I sure don’t dig me no Toby Keith, but that’s more for political reasons, even though it didn’t…

I had to stop eating my lunch and throw it out without finishing it a few hours ago, and I haven’t eaten a thing since. This is particularly odd behavior, as I’m in the middle of recapping, an activity that usually finds me eating everything I get my hands on in a bid to maintain…

You want geeking out? Babe, I’m posting this from a connection in Dallas/Fort Worth. I WIN. No one ever said air travel was a mad hoot, probably because a) it’s not and b) “mad hoot”? The hell? Up here, 39,000 feet above the states some ethnocentric urbanite with a distinct lack of wanderlust named “the…

A lot of very highbrow, very expensive people I work with were in town this weekend. I didn’t open my wallet once. I stayed at a hotel in my home city. I ordered and consumed a $24 personal pizza. I ate veal face. People, I ate veal face. On Saturday night, four of us went…

I’m sitting in a hotel in midtown in the city that I live in. I’ve already charged over $50 to my room, because the people who put me here can afford it. Excuse me while I go mail some pointless letters to friends I haven’t seen in a while. After that, maybe I’ll order a…

New Bachelor recap is up. I don’t even feel that bad that it’s so short, because it’s the reunion special and nooooooothing happened. Congressional filibuster? No. Dumont Network? Well, yes. I’m going to be in New Haven all day tomorrow. Anyone in New Haven wants to come and meet for snacks, you give me or…

“For a guy who once equated gayness with bestiality, he’s awfully familiar with…the theater.” Jon Stewart, about Rick Santorum, in a story about –wait for it — filibusters.

When you have a job that requires writing approximately 6,000 words a day and you’ve been doing it with some level of consistency since October of 1999, you (if by you, you mean “me”) start to fall into some familiar patterns to get you (again, “me”) out of trouble just when you start to think…

This is the one that just about broke my heart. I wrote this song — this entire scene, in fact — during a period of otherwise crippling inactivity quite some time ago. In an airport. In Philadelphia. Where I had driven to pick up a freelance interior decorator and drive her to a furniture store…

To all concerned industry power players: Pamie and I now come as a package deal. She can be on The Daily Show as long as I’ve written the jokes for the opening news segment. As a staff writer. On The Daily Show. Thank you in advance. It would be the ultimate in Fun Stuff. A…