I just finished my seventh cross-country drive, and this latest one featured a few new things of note: a wedding in Minneapolis (which resulted in a bell curve drive across America, where I went all the way north to come all the way south again), an overnight rock star stop in Vegas, a stop in…

And it made him both smarter and dumber. I’m not an impartial observer or anything, but…Bush didn’t win. Monkey see, monkey don’t: the Democrats have put together the first hints of Bush in the death throes. It’s called “Faces of Frustration.” And it’s funny.

Potes is recapping for TWoP, and I have proof! Just in case you forgot to read her brilliant Top Model recap, here’s that link again. This is some funny shit from the person I’ve often referred to as “the other half of my brain.”

Hell, yeah. Sometimes television does get it right.

This. And this. Those two working together, not the makings of a great morning. A morning spent at a doctor’s office. For three hours. On Long Island. Awesome. It’s so dark out. It’s darkly, humidly, forebodingly, this-can-only-be-the-day-of-a-depressing-doctor’s-appointment-ly dark. Yesterday, all of the power was out at one of the train stations I got stuck at…

I have a throbbing, blasting, stunning fireworks display of a headache. It’s kind of a lack of sleep. It’s kind of a lack of food. It’s kind of lack of knowing exactly where I’ll be living come the first of November. It’s trains and travel and too much baseball on TV and summer’s pesky inability…

McSweeneys didn’t want what Tara and I wrote, but y’all do, right? Excerpts from security briefings written from Golan Cipel to Jim McGreevey, discovered after the former was fired from his position as New Jersey Director of Homeland Security when an investigation into his qualifications revealed his resume listed him as an “Israeli poet.” It’s…

Lesson of the day: never believe anything anyone ever tells you, ever. In my spare time, I work as a consultant for a public relations firm in Los Angeles. It’s not my dream job, but I continue to do it on the contingency that the head of the company leave a burlap sack with a…

You know when you’re in eighth grade and you listen to the same album over and over and over again until you think it’s going to bleed? I’m doing that now, and I’m not in eighth grade. I have listened to Elliott Smith’s Figure 8 probably five times a day for the past month. It’s…

I thought business class would be “coach with a hot towel.” I was so wrong. So very, very wrong. See, I’ve done a little bit of traveling this year. I’ll never be what you call a “business traveler” or a “seeker of exotic locales” or a “person who likes going anywhere but to his friends’…