Tilda Whirl: TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT JON HAMM.

Me: HE IS DREAMY AND WAS WEARING A SUIT AND AT ONE POINT WE MADE EYE CONTACT BEFORE HE POINTED BEHIND ME TOWARD THE BATHROOMS BECAUSE I GUESS HIS FRIEND HAD TO PEE.

Me: AND THEN ANOTHER TIME I TOTALLY PRETTY MUCH MAYBE “ACCIDENTALLY” FRONT-FROTTAGED HIM WHILE SAYING “EXCUSE ME.” I said “excuse me,” so it’s okay.

Tilda: Armov and I have a Hamm obsession so I am copying it to her as well

Me: He looks exactly like Jon Hamm. Sadly, I didn’t get a chance to smell him.

Tilda: I bet he smells like leather jacket.

Me: Yes. Leather Jacket and kitten fur.

Tilda: Armov is appalled you did not chloroform him and drag him to us. APPALLED!

Me: He is very tall. I would have had a hard time dragging him. What with being on top of him taking a nap because he was out cold. I would make him sleep-cuddle. That’s not technically assault, is it?

Tilda: mmmmm hammnap

Me: My friend Heather said, “You need to go up to him and pitch him Hammie Dot Com.” And I was like, “Hammie’s Jammies. That’s what I want him in.” They have a suit front and a little martini glass dangling off one sleeve.

Tilda: OH MY.

Me: I stared at Jon Hamm for so long Bob Odenkirk came by with this confused look on his face. I think he was thinking I was giving him the sex eye.

Tilda: Dear Bob Odenkirk: you would be awesome were Jon Hamm not RIGHT THERE.

Tilda: you know he doesn’t wear underpants, right?

Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

Tilda: JON HAMM DOES NOT WEAR UNDERPANTS

Tilda: he does not care for them

Me: you made that up, but I like that you did.

Tilda: I did not.

Tilda: If you have looked at all the photos of Jon Hamm that Armov and I have looked at, you would come to the same conclusion that we have. Man does not like the underpants.

Tilda: We have spent HOURS of valuable work time doing research

Me: …This is why you are not invited to places where he is.

Tilda: … I know.

14 thoughts on “This just happened on my Facebook chat.

  1. Greatest Facebook chat ever. And I’m very glad to know I’m not the only one to talk like this over chat.

    I also did not know he does not wear underwear. There goes my afternoon into daydream land.

  2. I went back and looked at your TWOP recap for the Gilmore Girls episode he appeared in, way back in 2002 Season 3 (Eight O’Clock At The Oasis) and it looks like he caught your eye even then. The first time his character appears, you wrote “Ho-ho. Cute Boy at the bar”.

  3. I’m impressed with your restraint! I would be ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME just being in the same time zone as Jon Hamm. In the same room I would have made an utterly stuttering blubbering ass of myself.

    Also, Pamie and Hammie’s Jammies would be the best.

  4. I am pretty sure that if was ever in the same room with Jon Hamm, I would grab him and hold him tight until someone drug me away kicking and screaming.

    I am only half kidding.

  5. Just spent about 30 minutes looking at pictures of him out in public. Getting a definite commando vibe from some of the pictures. I can’t believe I just scoured the interweb for pictures of a man’s BOX. Crazy.

  6. I was reminded of this conversation from your tumblr and was reading back over it and realized that you were not invited to places where he was either. I believe this was you crashing a Mindy Kaling’s book party.

    YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ME, RIBON!

    P.S. I love you.

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