Me: HE IS DREAMY AND WAS WEARING A SUIT AND AT ONE POINT WE MADE EYE CONTACT BEFORE HE POINTED BEHIND ME TOWARD THE BATHROOMS BECAUSE I GUESS HIS FRIEND HAD TO PEE.
Me: AND THEN ANOTHER TIME I TOTALLY PRETTY MUCH MAYBE “ACCIDENTALLY” FRONT-FROTTAGED HIM WHILE SAYING “EXCUSE ME.” I said “excuse me,” so it’s okay.
Tilda: Armov and I have a Hamm obsession so I am copying it to her as well
Me: He looks exactly like Jon Hamm. Sadly, I didn’t get a chance to smell him.
Tilda: I bet he smells like leather jacket.
Me: Yes. Leather Jacket and kitten fur.
Tilda: Armov is appalled you did not chloroform him and drag him to us. APPALLED!
Me: He is very tall. I would have had a hard time dragging him. What with being on top of him taking a nap because he was out cold. I would make him sleep-cuddle. That’s not technically assault, is it?
Tilda: mmmmm hammnap
Me: My friend Heather said, “You need to go up to him and pitch him Hammie Dot Com.” And I was like, “Hammie’s Jammies. That’s what I want him in.” They have a suit front and a little martini glass dangling off one sleeve.
Tilda: OH MY.
Me: I stared at Jon Hamm for so long Bob Odenkirk came by with this confused look on his face. I think he was thinking I was giving him the sex eye.
Tilda: Dear Bob Odenkirk: you would be awesome were Jon Hamm not RIGHT THERE.
Tilda: you know he doesn’t wear underpants, right?
Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
Tilda: JON HAMM DOES NOT WEAR UNDERPANTS
Tilda: he does not care for them
Me: you made that up, but I like that you did.
Tilda: I did not.
Tilda: If you have looked at all the photos of Jon Hamm that Armov and I have looked at, you would come to the same conclusion that we have. Man does not like the underpants.
Tilda: We have spent HOURS of valuable work time doing research
Me: …This is why you are not invited to places where he is.
Tilda: … I know.