These Boots Are Made for Mocking

Dear Stacy:


These boots you helped me find, both are going back.

The Frye “banana” is really more of a tan, and might work if I popped it with a crazy red or that blue you were coveting. That being said, it fits like a galosh, and is really pooling around my ankles. The Madewell boots are extremely tight at the top of my calf, making me look like I’ve got muffin top legs, and pool so much around the ankles I appear to be melting.

sadness. diving back in.




That sucks.

Can you coin a word for leg muffin top? I coined a word this week that makes me laugh:


–those marks you get on your belly because your flesh is a little soft and flabby and your pants are a little tight.

— Stacy



I like “fattoo.” That’s fantastic. How about


for the calf muffin top?




Souffleg is so good it’s killing me.

One of those boots you showed me has a hella high heel: 4.5? My four-inch Chloe are only okay for standing/walking for about two hours. But you do drive in LA more….

OMFG I’ve been put into a slideshow with Gwyneth Paltrow and Carine Roitfeld. HAHAHHHAHAHA. Pretty sure that will never happen again in my life. They deleted the original article, but here’s what’s left. Hilarious!



And just like you said in that slideshow, I would be miserable if I had to wear sneakers while I walked around. Every time I’m in Manhattan I marvel at the people who wear heels every day all day. I always come home with blisters. The one time I wore my chucks to ‘smac, my friend was like, “Finally! Pam is wearing sensible shoes in the city!” But I was miserable.

Flats are for quitters.



I think I’m in love with you.


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Comments (


  1. Tracie

    I’m pretty sure I have a fattoo right now. But I’m not unbuttoning these pants to find out.

  2. Tamara

    I use my fattoo to guide my fertility shots. It’s very helpful.

  3. J.C.

    Wish I could hang with y’all gals…I am ALWAYS jealous of those brave enough to rock the heels in the City. That being said, San Francisco without a car (for the last 12 years) has made me victim of comfort. I am apologetic to the fashion Goddess for all of my flats—aka being a quitter… please be gentle with us Bigger Girls that walk over a mile to work. k.thx.bye.

  4. Erica

    Does willingness to wear heels all over the place make for a smaller work shoe closet, or do you need a stable of sensible just-in-case shoes hidden in your desk the way I keep a stable of fancy shoes in mine? (Yes, I totally lock my cabinet for fear that the janitor or night security person will steal my pretty-pretty green suede Fluevogs. Shut up.)

  5. Stacy @bklynstacy

    Pam, we might be funnier in your blog than we are in real person. (Related: Is it bad ego move to laugh at your own emails? ‘Cause I was cracking my shit up when I re-read this.)

  6. Heather

    Souffleg = second dictionary listing?

    What size boot are you looking for? I may have a couple of links…

    1. Pamie

      I’ve currently got another round of boots headed here for trying on. If these don’t work out, I’ll open the search, but for now I think Stacy and I have narrowed in on some good finalists.

      PS: Stacy, the Seychelles are here and they are awesome.

      1. Stacy @bklynstacy

        Nice! I expect a photo, please.

        And I’ve decided I don’t love the booties I bought as much as I thought I did. Which is too bad ’cause I’ve worn them twice.

        I think if I buy ALL NEW PANTS, though, I might like them better.

  7. Heather

    Awesome! Good luck!

  8. Al

    I was already crying about “fattoo” and then “souffleg” caused me to lose my mind.

  9. Al

    … and I was laughing so hard I did not even say what I meant to say, which is that I am sad those Frye’s did not work out, because I love them.

  10. Esther

    There are many marvels in the City of all Cities and the women in heels are certainly among them. The annually increasing size of purses in Manhattan has blessed me with the ability to create balance…high heels are kept in the purse at all times (until needed to make me feel/look sexy) while flip flops adorn my very California feet. At AFF, I will definitely be the girl rocking the E.A. Poe bag with a pair of heels stashed inside in case I need a boost of confidence.

  11. Carol Elaine

    Alas, I would be a City Girl in Heels – as I once was, when I was a bus rider in Los Angeles – were it not for my back. Because even a minor five year old back injury flares up when I wear heels more than once a week. And those heels that I do wear had better be sturdy.

    I miss wearing my 4″ heels. Stupid back.

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  13. Boho Queen

    Haha! This is hilarious!