the bevolution has arrived.

When men want attention from women who are complete strangers, they get a dog to walk, or borrow a baby to carry. If you’re a woman who would like to have random conversations with men you’ve never met before and will never see again, you might want to put some kind of Longhorn sticker on your car. For the past six months, that thing has been a dick magnet.

I was just driving home when a big SUV was getting closer and closer to my car, weaving back, speeding up. I had made eye-contact earlier at the red light when I heard he was playing System of a Down. So when he got closer to my car the third time, I figured he was going to maybe comment on the loud music coming from my window. Instead he screamed, “HOOK ‘EM, HORNS!” And all was forgiven.


Wait, wait, wait! I’m here! I’m here! Please don’t give me the parking ticket. I’m right here. Is it too late?

Parking Meter Guy
Too late. Already printed it. (points at restaurant across the street) You were at Toast?

Yes. I mean, I was, but just now I was across the street, right here, on this side. In front of the meditation place. Like, a block down. See?

Parking Meter Guy
Two blocks.

Look, I was watching my car, but I was saying goodbye to someone, and I knew it had expired, like two minutes ago. That’s why I was on my way over here. You see.

Parking Meter Guy
But you didn’t see me. I gave you plenty of time.

I’m sorry. I’m here.

Parking Meter Guy
Too late.


Parking Meter Guy
(pointing at my license plate)
You should be happy, Longhorn. Nothing should faze you these days.

[LA Longhorns: Beware of the USC parking meter dudes.]

[Also: I have received so few parking tickets in my life, but I’m pretty sure every single one of them happened when I was unemployed. My luck is awesome.]

In a completely unrelated second half of this entry, I like to think the following two coincidences that happened today are signs of good things to come.

1. I had a meeting with two hilarious women, one of whom we determined within three minutes of meeting each other lives in my old apartment building in West Hollywood, in the same apartment where at the time one of stee’s friends lived. [We didn’t know for the first four months. One day he just walked past our kitchen window and we found out we were next-door neighbors.] Then we talked about all of her neighbors, who were my neighbors when I lived there three years ago. It was somehow comforting to hear that scary/lonely poodle guy who was the inspiration for our Buffalo Bill site still lives in the windowless storage room of the building.

2. I was driving to a copy and mail place to send off an application. The Radiohead song that was playing on my iPod when I drove up was the same Radiohead song playing when I entered the shop. The song? “No Surprises.”

So my application is turned in, my manuscript is waiting on the copyeditor’s notes, I’ve taken the last meeting for the week, and I wrote an entry. This means, officially, I have the entire long weekend to read books and watch NetFlix. Because I can’t be content without an assignment, tomorrow Ken and his girlfriend are meeting me at Jollibee. Yes, I’ll take pictures.

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