What were you doing over this holiday weekend? Because here’s how five people found this site:
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And if that’s not what this site is about, then I don’t know what is.
Sometimes during a holiday you have to do things you wouldn’t necessarily do because you’re entertaining family members. For me, this weekend, that was going to Graumann’s Chinese Theatre to see Timeline.
There was a crazy man who chose to sit in front of us. He started by chatting to us, but then continued talking to the statues on the ceiling. “Am I supposed to answer his questions?” my mom asked. “I think the voices in his head are answering for you,” my sister replied. “But they’re not answering his questions,” stee said. “‘How are you?’ “4:30.'”
This man was frustrated with us and moved up one row where there were more people to bother. He chatted with them about the Hindu influence of the Chinese theatre (uh-huh), and then settled in for a long winter’s chat. After the LA Times ad that runs at the beginning of every movie shown in all of Los Angeles (I don’t understand how they do that), the man shouted, “Propaganda!” My sister earned a giggle from him after we watched the commercial telling us to turn off our cell phones and someone’s phone rang right after it. “Man, people in LA are stupid,” she noted loudly. All the tourists in the room chuckled.
All of this is to say that halfway through the remarkably stupid movie known as Timeline, the people sitting next to my mom got up and left. About fifteen minutes after that, the crazy man, still babbling, also had enough with this ridiculousness. He got up and left.
I’m tempted to review how horrible the movie was, but I’d rather stee did it, so I’ll just leave this as a little Post-It for him to update with all of the crappiness that film had to offer. I am ashamed that I helped its weekend numbers, but you know…all in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I guess. I couldn’t very well take my mom to see Elephant, and my sister might have heckled through The Station Agent.
There were no family films this weekend. Neither my mom or my sister wanted to see Elf, which was shocking to me [I’m a little embarrassed to say that Elf made me cry in a few parts. Again, more evidence that I’m in need of a good vacation.]. We later determined that even though my mom claims to love comedies, she was hard-pressed to find one comedian she liked besides Robert Klein. You name him; she hated him. He either tried too hard (Jim Carrey) or was an asshole (just about everybody else). From What About Bob to Annie Hall, my mom hates anybody who’s trying to get a laugh. Yes, even Monty Python. Anything British is out. Anybody on Saturday Night Live? No way. She likes Martin Short, but I think that’s because she’s only seen him in Three Fugitives and Innerspace. She likes Whoopi Goldberg, but not her stand-up. She thinks the creation of Chris Rock was a huge mistake. She hates Chevy and Steve and those Animal House hooligans. I think she might like Goldie Hawn, but not when she’s in a movie with Chevy Chase or Steve Martin. Pretty sure she doesn’t like Bette Midler. Maybe Danny Devito? Does he count as a comedian? She likes Paula Poundstone. Hates Rita Rudner. Likes Abbott and Costello and old Jerry Lewis, but not a fan of Lewis and Martin or anything involving pies, boobs, or Leslie Neilsen. She likes Red Skelton and Buddy Hackett. She does not like Martin Lawrence. She loves Bill Cosby. She does not like Eddie Murphy, unless he’s in a movie, and even then only kind of.
I was living in the world’s toughest room for eighteen years. It wasn’t until I got to college that I had any idea I was funny.