The 4th Annual Valentine’s Day Squishy Entry

Happy Valentine’s Day.
Every year I say it.
And every year I resent it just a bit less.

I guess you’re finally growing on me, sweetie.


I’ve been saving up
For this night
For such a long time.
I made reservations
at that place
the place we call “ours”
the one we claimed a long time ago.

I made sure
they put us
at a table
where the moonlight
hung just perfectly
between our two heads
so we could lean in
and whisper
how much we were in love.

I bought you flowers
from that little shop you like
where they enclose little candies
inside the petals.
I ordered yours special
three months ago.

So when you look at me
like that
with that look on your face
because I haven’t gotten around
to saying how pretty your new dress is
I’m just a tad bit unsympathic.

I mean, chill, bitch. You know?


You wrote me a song?
For the guitar?
Oh, my.
You didn’t have to do that.
No, it’s just… do you know how to play the guitar?
Oh. You learned for this song.
No, I’m not laughing, there’s just…
something stuck in my teeth.
Sorry. You were going to play the song.
Okay. I’m ready now.
Wait. Did you start, or are you tuning the strings?
I’m sorry. Go ahead. Sorry.
Wait. Are you singing? Are you hurt?
Are you okay?
Where are you going?
I’m sorry! It’s really a cute song!
I can’t wait to finish hearing it!


uhh….the girl… with the eye patch….
KIM! That was the girl with the patch. Kim. Sorry.
i can’t believe I forgot Kim. That’s so stupid.
she’s the one that used to do that thing with her…
i said catherine…
and sadie.

So, you’re like, thirty-two. Thirty-three?
to be safe, we should just round up to forty.
Because now that I think about it,
There might be two Kim’s
And the odds are there was more than one
So, yeah.
You’re like, forty-one.
My forty-first.

The big four-one.
But you know you’re first in my heart, right baby?
Happy Valentines Day, baby.


Happy Valentine’s Day.
I want to break up.
Just kidding.
Not really.
I am.
shit, you should see the look on your face.
I’m funny.


I can’t look at you
when you do that.
that thing you’re doing
with your hips
and that look
in your eyes.

You love me so much
I get scared sometimes.

And it’s more than just
that bouncing thing you do
when you once hurt my leg.

Just sometimes you drool on me.
And I’m still nervous about that time
you cracked your forehead on my headboard.

we spent like, nine hours at the emergency room.

Look, you’re just going to have to calm down.
For just a few seconds.
Enough for me to take off my panties, okay?
Jeez, you act like I never let you do it.

We do it all the time.
Just wait a second. Wait! WAIT! OW!
No, you just, you ripped out some of my hair.
No, not on my head.
God, forget it.
Just go. GO! GO! Do it quickly!

Happy Valentines Day, sweet tard.


dear mariah,

we left a big bag of money for you

outside your door.

go buy your skank ass some more clothes

and we’ll call it even.

you’re in our hearts

just not our catalog anymore.

love, virgin


Did you see that guy?
Oh, my God.
He was gorgeous.
He looked like how you used to look.
You know, when we first met?
Before we both just went to shit?

Aw, baby, don’t look at me like that. You know I love you.
You’re my big fat sweetheart.
Here’s some candy.
Can I have the peanut ones?


i leave him tiny letters that i’m not sure if he really reads. i don’t know if he’s ignoring them on purpose or if i’m not leaving them in a place where he can find them. one time i tried to move the letter closer, and he moved in his sleep and i was afraid he might wake up and get angry. i think it’s not a good idea to make him angry. then when i can’t sleep, sometimes i just think about him and i wonder if he thinks about me where he is all far away, unable to see me, unable to hold me, unable to tell me that he loves me. and then sometimes i realize how being in love with a lion is hard. he probably can’t even read. i wish i wasn’t just a twelve-year old girl. lions totally rule.


winona ryder

stole my heart

and pleaded not guilty.


No, I didn’t forget
Valentine’s Day.
I just wanted it to be special
for you.
for us, baby.
so, I wanted it to be on Friday
so we were the only people celebrating our love.
I swear, I totally didn’t forget.
Now, hypothetically speaking, what’s your bra size?


i know.
hey, that thing…
yeah, ‘s cool.
yeah, thanks for your thing, too.
yeah, yeah.
see you fifth period?
oh, yeah.
i’m gonna stick my tongue down your throat real fast first.
cool. just make sure mrs. kleiner sees us.
high school rules.


She knows
what she wants
how she wants it
and when.

She takes no shit.
From anyone
at anytime.

She’s good with her hands.
and her mind is incredible.
She thinks of things that nobody thought of before.
It’s like she just knows the right answer
before the question has been asked.
It’s enough to get you drunk off of her mind,
the energy around her when she’s working.

She’s got this way
where she gets so angry
when things aren’t going
according to “the plan.”
when it’s my fault,
man that’s the best day ever
because she yells at me for like,
a good three hours or so.
Calls me all kinds of names.
One time she called me a shithead
and it was like she was licking the back of my knee.
So weak from her power, her passion, her intensity.
So weak from the way she barks and orders and demands.

If loving Martha Stewart is wrong, I don’t ever want to be right.


if i had most of a sandwich
and you were hungry
i would give you all of my sandwich
and I’d only ask for one
not because i want more food
but because i want to make sure
some of my spit gets on the bread
so when you take a bite
it would be like kissing me
god, i love you so much
i’m so sleeping next to you during nap time.


last year it was “i’ve never loved anyone the way i love you.
thank you for everything. for everything that will be.”

this year it’s “to you, from me.”

we’ve gone wrong, somewhere, i think.


j’atime, mon amor.
j’sui c’est no pas?
mon petit chou-shou. Oui?
(Dammit. This is hard.)
C’est un stylo?
Oui. C’est un stylo.
Thomas Sorel boit toujours du thé.
Voici le livre. Il est petit.

I copy out of Beginner’s French textbooks
to show you how much I’m in love,
mon amor, mi amor, that’s amore.
happy valentine’s day, cherry amore.

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