in case you were wondering

Ray was tired of me sitting around feeling sorry for myself on Friday morning and had me write down a list of things I want to do with my life. Because I didn’t want to write them in Sharpie on the walls of our porch like he did, he’s made me promise that I’d display them here, for all of you, I guess so that we can all laugh at me if some of these goals change or never come true.

I don’t usually do this. Write out goals or dreams. I have the sort of “I’ll figure it out when I get there” sort of mind. I don’t really know what I want– I just know what I want when I have it, or when it’s just out of my reach. I’ve often felt that setting a deadline for something I want is setting myself up for disappointment. If I don’t make bold declarations about where I should be at a certain time, then I won’t be upset with myself if everything doesn’t follow a certain order.

But Ray said I had to. So here they are, in no particular order, pulled from the pages of this Internet magazine that I wrote all over in Sharpie. They came out of my head in this order, but I don’t think that there is a deadline for any of them. Some are much more important than others. Some are me being silly. Some are straight from my heart.

But it’ll be interesting to look at them later, I guess.

[db]

what a pam wants
some names and places changed to fuzzy to protect myself and others 

• Happiness
• Fun
• Harmony
• Safety
• write for a comedy show
• be in a comedy show (hi, HBO)
• figure out what i want to do with pamie.com
• watch mbtv become a gigantic Internet force
• sxsw
• get invited to aspen
• see the montreal comedy festival
• participate in Sundance
• write a screenplay
• sell a screenplay
• get an agent
• get a manager
• be in a good comedy troupe
• play a certain theatre
• do a show with Brently
• write songs and be in a band
• win money for karaoke
• win money in vegas and get a free room
• get new clothes
• have health insurance
• pay off loans and car
• visit my family
• visit home
• fly my family to la
• get matt sadler to la
• get andy cobb to la
• have a certain someone kiss my ass
• have another certain someone say, “I was wrong. You’re very funny.”
• get engaged. maybe. kinda. i don’t know. i like the idea of it. sorta.
• do a play
• write another play
• stop biting my nails (doing okay on this one so far)
• quit smoking
• see more movies
• write a book
• write another one person show
• perform that one person show
• feel confident in my choices
• buy more CDs
• get a haircut i like
• meet johnny depp
• Audition for John Waters
• Audition for Sex and the City
• Write for Sex and the City
• Buy my parents a house
• Buy Jackee a bottle of champagne.
• Drink it with her.
• Buy curtains
• have a good cell phone
• Be in the Hollywood Reporter
• Have “people”
• Sing with Britney Spears (this could be when we share a cab together on the way to the Viper Room one night)
• Drive through the desert in a convertible
• be on SNL
• Get drunk with Janeane (not just near her)
• Laugh every day
• Get into the secret room of the Viper Room
• keep a private journal
• Floss.
• Become less dependent on caffeine
• Become less dependent
• win money or a car
• see Australia
• see Toronto.
• see my friend Josh
• see my cousin Chris
• sleep
• eat
• write more letters
• answer email
• save money
• take care of myself
• change the litter box more often
• figure out why other people always come first for me
• sing karaoke with dave grohl
• spend more time with taylor and cal
• work on a film set
• phone home more often

I’m feeling a bit naked now.