Things We Haven’t Done During SXSW

by pamie and stee

  • Gone four days living on nothing but beer and cigarettes.
  • Talk to Janeane Garofalo. (with humiliation involved)
  • Been scared of grackles.
  • Pay $205.00 to see a total of two movies. (but they would have been good, had we only seen two or so.)
  • Learn dirty secrets about each other. (someone owns a Bill Cosby cassette tape. Someone tapes Felicity. We’re just saying.)
  • Freak out at the number of motherfuckers at our panel.
  • Get their eyeball licked by Cal.
  • Diss their friend’s house.
  • Search the back of a car for spare change.
  • Shamelessly rip-off free cigarettes from the Platinum Lounge.
  • Laugh inappropriately during a film.
  • Laugh inappropriately during a panel.
  • Laugh inappropriately in a parking lot.
  • Lose taste buds because of free cigarettes.
  • Established a complex code language for uncomfortable situations.
  • Cancel your own mentor slot.
  • Go to a party because there was chicken.
  • Leave a party because there was no chicken.
  • Mistake women for men.
  • Discover everyone in Austin wears spandex with cowboy boots. (tourists.)
  • Live off eggs for sixty-seven hours.
  • Drink beer at two in the afternoon because we forgot the word for water.
  • Plan this entry ahead of time.
  • Place eleanor’s page as the home page for the Platinum Lounge iMac.
  • Attend a party with a big cattle trough called a “hot tub.”
  • Eat bad salad because we thought it would save our liver.
  • Only see movies about wrestling and pimps.
  • Go to a post office to pick up two ‘NSYNC CDs.
  • Been reduced to snorting as laughter.
  • Post drunken forum topics within an hour of meeting each other.
  • Watch college videos of pamie’s friends pretending to be the Spice Girls.
  • Learn how to say “Y’all,” “Gah, y’all,” and “Whataburger.”
  • Buy fast food with a credit card.
  • Get fifty bucks stolen within the first two hours of the festival.
  • Forget to turn off the cell phone after the movie started.
  • Leave a movie for coffee.
  • Been forced to admit the existence of one’s personal website in a Motel 6 in Vanhorn, TX to first friend ever cause… you know… the panel.
  • Attend a party in an office building and sweat.
  • Find out that pamie has no short term memory…. like that… when…cuz…shit.
  • Constantly forget what day it is or what time it is or who we are talking to.
  • Break into our panel room the day before to beatbox on the microphones.
  • Get kicked out of Robert Rodriguez’s panel.
  • Disco dance…. for a while….(shhhhh.)
  • Realize we have another day and a half to go. (ow… oh…ih….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

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