watch out

I can tell the holidays are coming because I’m very busy and completely mentally occupied. I’m not thinking about what I’m doing, but rather what I won’t be doing when my vacation gets here. I just crank out work, crank out essays, crank out code, but inside I’m thinking “three more days. three more days. three more days.”

I’m ready for a vacation. I’m all cranky and bitchy. And not at anyone, or for any real thing. I just want to stop working for a couple of days. No more deadlines.

Since I finished Christmas shopping, I’ve just been taking any packages that arrive and placing them under the tree. I didn’t want to risk opening a box that wasn’t wrapped, so I don’t know who has been sending me things lately, but I just wanted to say thanks.

I also wanted to say that I’ve been reading how other people disapprove of people posting their wish lists. I just want to say here that I completely don’t agree. I never asked anyone to purchase me anything, and I have been completely shocked each time something arrives at my mailbox. I like them because I can purchase gifts for people without bothering them for an address. I can get them just what they want and have it be a surprise. I can send Mike’s son Max a baby book without him having to do anything. I did an amazing amount of shopping online this year, and I credit it to my pre-holiday sanity. I know that gifts are going where I need them to be, and I’m not having to search store by store for them. I also posted the list here because my mom wanted to read my wishlist, and this makes it easier for her, since she reads the site all of the time. It helps out Eric and his family as well. I never meant to come off as “pimping” my wish list, which I guess some people thought it was.

You don’t have to buy me anything. Of course you don’t. But I did buy some things for my favorite journallers/online writers because they have given me a full year of enjoyable material to read and in some cases have become my friends. I was just giving Christmas presents and making my list available for those who wanted to buy me something as well. Now, my Christmas card list, that’s another story. I ask people to participate in that. I enjoy sending and receiving cards.

Why am I explaining myself? I shouldn’t have to explain myself.

Why am I so touchy today? I don’t know. I think I smell. I don’t know how, but I keep smelling this smell and looking around my office but I don’t see anything smelly, so it must be me. But then I sniff my clothes and I don’t smell it. Then I move towards the monitor or something and I smell it again. Maybe I should throw out that coffee cup. Maybe I stink.

Maybe I’m losing my freakin’ mind.

I’d been getting these really bad headaches lately. I started taking my allergy medicine again and no more headaches. Does that mean I was suffering from allergies, or does it mean I’m now completely reliant on my allergy medicine? When did I start having to take so many pills every day?

Losing my mind, man. Shield your eyes, it ain’t pretty.

Really, though, what if I smell and all day everyone at work thinks I stink but they haven’t told me? I’m sure it’s as simple as my shoes or the cuffs of my jeans or something, but what if it’s more? What if that’s just my winter smell? Oh, man. I don’t want to have a bad winter smell. What if it’s the combination of my shampoo and my perfume?

Is it only Tuesday? Is it really only Tuesday?

Maybe it’s my breath.

Oh, and something’s been on my mind that I don’t have much of a control over, but if I say it here, maybe the word will spread.

Nonplus Non”plus`, v. t. [imp. & p. p. Nonplused or Nonplussed; p. pr. & vb. n. Nonplusing or Nonplussing.]

To puzzle; to confound; to perplex; to cause to stop by embarrassment.

He has been nonplused by Mr. Dry’s desiring him to tell what it was that he endeavored to prove. –Spectator.

nonplussed adj : filled with bewilderment; “at a loss to understand those remarks”; “puzzled that she left without saying goodbye” [syn: at a loss(p), nonplused, puzzled]

It doesn’t mean “to be bored or apathetic.”

Whew! I’m cranky today, huh? I better stop while I’m ahead.