she’s a big cat in a skinny cat’s body

Are you supposed to refrigerate baby food that is left over?

I am really tired this morning.  After work yesterday I went to rehearsal.  I haven’t done a “play” play in a while, so it was sort of strange to hear people using those phrases like “the world of the characters” and “finding the core” and such.  I think this is going to be a good experience for me.

If it doesn’t kill me.

I’m exhausted.  When I got home last night Lillith’s eye was all squinty.  The membrane of her left eye was swollen and red.  Her nose was running.  She looked like a boxer.  Her breath was coming out in little sighs and she was breathing through her mouth.  However, she sat in my lap and wanted me to pet her for about twenty minutes.

I called the vet to ask if there was anything I could do to ease her breathing.  They suggested I bring her back in when I bring in Taylor tomorrow for a follow-up.  Now they had told me not to bring her in before so we don’t stress her, but since she isn’t in pain and she eats as much as she can it seems like what’s holding her back right now is this runny nose and runny eyes thing they said they may be able to treat her with antibiotics.  If her condition worsens today then I should bring her in as an emergency call tonight.

I hung up and cried some more.  “Lillith.  Don’t you want to get better?” I asked her.  “People have been sending you get well letters.  You keep improving and then you look all runny like this.  I don’t know if you’re really better or not.”  I tried to get a Lillith-like response out of her.  I touched her on her paw and her tail– places she normally didn’t like to be touched.  She didn’t respond.

After I put her down I warmed up some baby food and she ate that off my fingers for about six or seven fingers worth.  This was encouraging.  It was also difficult because as I was feeding Lillith with one hand I had to hold Taylor back with the other.  She seemed to enjoy getting food that Taylor couldn’t, and I’d noticed that sometimes she won’t eat something if she sees me give Taylor a piece of it.  Taylor figured out a new plan.  As Lillith would lap up the food there were quite a few splatters (the carrots would go flying towards me).  Taylor would just stare at me and as food hit my face he’d lick it off.  Whatever works.  After she ate some food I tried the pedialyte.  She had a whole dosage right away.  Encouraged, I filled the syringe with water.  She drank an entire syringe.  Her eye cleared up and she was walking around.

“Alright, skinny,” I said.  “It’s time to do some physical therapy.  Let’s work those legs.”  I touched her back paw and she lifted her foot and kicked my hand five times.  She kicked!  I touched her front paw and she pulled it away just like she always does.  She was starting to do some of her normal behaviors.  She was holding her head up and looking around the room like she always does.  She even glared at Taylor.  We felt really good about this.  But her eyes and her nose were still runny and she is so skinny.

This is killing me.

“What are we gonna do about Radiohead, here?” I asked Eric.  Radiohead is a nickname that I have for Lillith because of the herpes in her eye.  With this cold her eye is even more squinty and askew, making her look even more like Thom Yorke than I thought possible.

I also had a good talking to with Taylor, and I told him that he better come back with a clean bill of health tomorrow or I don’t know what I’ll do.  I made a deal with him.  He could eat whatever he wanted if he just stayed healthy.  We closed the deal with a little Turkey Vegetable baby food.

I fell asleep on the couch.

This morning Lillith came out and sat in the hallway while I got ready for work.  This was a good sign, since she’s been hiding from me in the mornings lately.  She drank just a bit of pedialyte and then tried to go under the bed.  I picked her up and brought her into the living room and gave her some baby food.  She had a few fingers worth.  The vet said she should be eating about a can of food a day, so she’s not really eating enough.  It’s good that she eats it without forcing her, though.  I’m really taking anything as a sign of encouragement.  She got up and walked away during the feeding, though.  Her eyes were gooey, and I was trying to clean them with one hand and feed her with the other.  She started licking her tail and between her legs.  I felt better.  She’s still so skinny.  I don’t know if the vet tomorrow is a good idea.  She was horrible after we took her there last time.

This sick kitty thing is so all-consuming.  Really.  I think about her all day and I dream about her at night.  I feel guilty that Taylor isn’t getting enough attention.  I feel guilty that Eric isn’t getting enough attention.  All of our conversations are about Lillith.  I miss our happy home.  I’m tired.  Eric and I are both so busy and the cat is sick and we see each other for about an hour at night and the whole time is spent with the cat.  This is really hard.

And whoever sent me vetinfo.com (I think it was James), thank you.  It’s full of great information.  I’m going in there tomorrow and asking them to make sure this cold isn’t a symptom of her herpes.  vetinfo.com said it might be.

Oh, I’ll hit 100,000 today, so let me know if you’re the lucky one.