antsy eric

so many days, so few are for birthday week

Ooh.  I’m tired today.

You know how some evenings you’re going along, doing your thing and some friends come over and you are all hanging out and having a good time and then suddenly you say to yourself, “Wait a minute!  It’s Monday night!  What am I doing?  This isn’t the weekend?  Oh, why are all of my friends bartenders and waiters?  They don’t have to wake up until after noon tomorrow.  This isn’t fair.  It’s so depressing I’m gonna have to have another beer.”

Last night we had people over to watch the game.  Jeff and I played “You Don’t Know Jack” until he was frothing at the mouth about losing (and, frankly, started cheating by buzzing in before the question was even read and then reading the question, reading the answers and then answering).  Then I moved into the other room and played a game of Spades.

You’d think when everyone left at one in the morning that Eric and I would have been exhausted and just fell right to sleep.  I don’t know if it was the Diet Coke that I had right before bed or the fact that my brain still thought it was the weekend, but right when we decided to go to sleep I hit my second wind.  Whenever I get pretty talky like that, it doesn’t take long for Eric to wake up too.

[scripty]
PAMIE
I talked to both of my parents today.

ERIC
Really?

PAMIE
Yeah, that hasn’t happened in I don’t know how long.

ERIC
Oh, hey, your mom didn’t get me that Steelers thing for my birthday, did she?

PAMIE
Why?

(pause)

ERIC
Look.  Just tell me what I’m getting for my birthday.

PAMIE
I’m not telling you.

ERIC
I want to know.

PAMIE
No.

ERIC
(getting up and hopping)
Just tell me.

PAMIE
You only have to wait another week and then it’s your birthday week.

ERIC
I have to wait longer than a week.

PAMIE
Poor baby.

ERIC
Look.  Really.  Seriously.  Things would be just so much better if you would just tell me.

PAMIE
I’m not going to tell you.

ERIC
I don’t want you to go crazy on birthday week, you know.  You don’t have to send me balloons at work like Becca did for Matt.

PAMIE
I wouldn’t send you balloons at work.

ERIC
You wouldn’t?

PAMIE
No.  Why, would you want–

ERIC
No!  No!  That’s why I’m saying not to.

PAMIE
Okay.

ERIC
What am I getting?

PAMIE
So, I was talking to my dad on the phone today.

ERIC
Oh, yeah?

PAMIE
Yes.  And I thought he was calling to talk about our trip to Houston.

ERIC
But instead he wanted to talk about my birthday week?

PAMIE
No, that’s why the President called later.

ERIC
Just tell me what I got.

PAMIE
Do you really want to know?

ERIC
Yes!  NO!  YES!  I don’t know!  Yes!  Maybe!  No!

PAMIE
You only have to wait another week.

ERIC
Baby, what did you get me, because I hear it’s really good.

PAMIE
What?  Who have you been snooping..with the… who–  do you know?

ERIC
I don’t know.

PAMIE
Who told you it was good?

ERIC
Chris just said–

PAMIE
Chris!

ERIC
No.  Chris just said it’s really good.  That’s all.

PAMIE
And that’s all?

ERIC
Reeeeeeeeally good.  So what is it?

PAMIE
Do you promise you don’t know?

ERIC
I swear.  I have no idea what it is.

PAMIE
Really?

ERIC
Promise.

PAMIE
Okay.

ERIC
So what is it?

PAMIE
ANYway.  I was talking to my dad and he asked me–

ERIC
Do we have to go out of town for my birthday present?

PAMIE
We’re already going to Houston.  Remember?  Astroworld?

ERIC
Ten A.M. Baby.  Knocking on the door.

PAMIE
I know.

ERIC
Knocking on the friggin’ door.

PAMIE
You promise you don’t know.

ERIC
Give me something to swear on.  A stack of bibles.  I swear on Lillith.  I swear on our relationship.  I bet it.  Whatever.

PAMIE
Okay.

ERIC
Sweetie.  I swear on the Steelers.

PAMIE
Alright.

ERIC
So, whatcha get me?
[/scripty]

And it continued in this fashion until we fell asleep.

Birthday week is exhausting.

And the week that precedes Birthday Week is even more exhausting because every lull in every conversation will be filled with “What am I getting for Birthday Week?”

He even tries to be crafty.  I’ve heard him try this one.

[scripty]
ERIC
Oh, man.  Did you hear?

CHUY
What?

ERIC
I found out what I’m getting for Birthday Week.

CHUY
Really?

ERIC
Yeah. Weldon told me.  Totally ruined Pam’s surprise.

CHUY
That’s too bad.

ERIC
Yeah, because it’s really good.

CHUY
Yeah.

ERIC
I mean, it’s a really good gift.

CHUY
Yeah, it is.

ERIC
Perfect.

CHUY
You have no idea, do you?

ERIC
Just tell me what I’m getting.

CHUY
I’m not doing it, dude.  Hand me the cooler.
[/scripty]

The thing is, it would all be over if I’d just tell him, and the problem is, I want to tell him so badly because I’m excited about it.  But I’m not going to ruin the surprises.  He’ll just have to wait for Birthday Week and have them unfold in front of him like all good Birthday Weeks.

The only thing that may take the edge of the waiting is the unveiling of the other Birthday Week.  Tomorrow officially begins Squishy’s Birthday Week.  I’m taking the Matt Sadler approach so that it doesn’t conflict with Eric’s birthday week. Eric likes his birthday week to start on his birthday and last a week long.  Matt likes Birthday Week to start the week before (thus making your birthday sooner) and it all adds up to a big huzzah on your actual birthday.  As Matt sees it, you have a whole week to remind people when your birthday is, so that they get you things.  As Eric looks at it, your birthday becomes a week-long event, where any day you could be surprised by someone giving you a present.  I’m much more fond of Eric’s approach, but I really don’t want Squishy’s birthday week and Eric’s birthday week to be going on at the same time.

Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, I am making the following announcement:

Starting tomorrow and continuing until June 16th
Squishy is officially celebrating
Birthday Week.

This promises to be a splendid time for all filled
with fun, games, trivia, and a new splash
page daily.  Gifts and warm words of happiness
are accepted.

Celebrate one year of Squishy
one week only
starting tomorrow.

Aren’t you just teetering with excitement?

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