help!

i spill my guts out and billy blanks yells at me

Hold on.  I need more coffee.

Okay.  I’m ready now.

I had a pretty good weekend.  I took it easy, and spent most of Sunday out with some sort of stomach thing.  I think I got a touch of food poisoning on Friday, and it kept me pretty ill for most of the weekend, reaching its peak of ickiness on Sunday.

[scripty]
ERIC
Aren’t you going to tell everyone about this in Squishy?

PAMIE
There are some parts of my life no one really needs to know.

ERIC
Well then, I think maybe you aren’t writing a truthful journal.

PAMIE
There are parts that I don’t need to document.

ERIC
I’m just saying, maybe you aren’t being real honest with yourself or your readers.

PAMIE
Really?

ERIC
It’s just, I thought it was a journal.

PAMIE
You think all this is really funny, don’t you?

ERIC
Hysterical.
[/scripty]

That’s what love is, you know?  One person, feeling terribly ill and dehydrated in one room, and the other one laughing in front of the television, pausing only to look over at the ill one, who is shaking and goosebumpy from feeling so weak and miserable, walk over to the sick person with arms outstretched, as if he’s coming in for a hug, but stops just short of the woman in his life to grab his cigarettes and ask, “How’s your butt?”

True love.  In sickness and in health.

To be fair, he did give me extra cuddles yesterday.  So, you know, he cares and all.

In other news:  I received a letter from my insurance agency, telling me that they have received a claim from the Aspen hospital and that they have approved my request for reimbursement.  I have thirty days to get in touch with them if I need anything.  I’m pretty sure that means I will not receive my reimbursement for at least thirty more days.

Skiing, schmiing.

I wish I could remember that the cup of coffee next to me is cold, because I keep sipping it.  I won’t go and get more, I’ll just keep forgetting and sipping, forgetting and sipping.

I had a Tae-Bo dream last night.  I was stuck inside the Instructional Video.  I couldn’t get out and I was going insane from the music and the slow pace of everything.  I just kept screaming, “Double Time!  Can’t we do some Double Time?  This is too slow for me!”  And Billy would turn around and look at me and go, “Now, is this shit called Pam-Bo?  I don’t think so.  You talk when I tell you to talk.”  And I just snapped right into place, like the girl with the severe haircut and saluted and said, “Yes sir, Billy sir!”

I think perhaps I shouldn’t watch Apt Pupil and think about how I need to exercise.  Makes for weird dreams.

So I’m stuck inside the Instructional Video and I’m trying to think of how to get out.  Then I have a flash of brilliance:

Other people do Tae-Bo as well, and many of them have mentioned it was due to me.

So I start looking at the camera and pleading:  “Guys!  GUYS!  It’s me, pamie!  Hey!  It’s me!  I swear!  I’m stuck in the tape!  Kymm!  Jackie!  Oh, man, you guys have got to get me out of here!  Go post something on the forum or something!  Look, I’ll get you tank-top guy’s autograph or something!  Please!”

And the music stopped, and Billy turned to me and he said, “Look, I already told your sweaty ass once.  Shutup.”

And then he said something that made me cry.

“TRIPLE TIME!”

I don’t know if you’ve seen Apt Pupil, but there’s an agreement between the two of them that Brad Renfro’s character has to start studying more and stop listening to the Holocaust stories.  Ian McKellen is telling him, “You’ll have to work.  You’ll have to work hard,” in this strong German accent.

Cut to shot of Brad Renfro riding his bike quickly down the street, hearing all of these voices in his head.  His guidance counselor, his parents, himself, his best friend, but I couldn’t help but notice the Karate Kidish tone the film was starting to take.  Eric and I started in with our best severe German accents.

[scripty]
PAMIE
You must learn!  You must study!  Geometry!

ERIC
(dropping the accent)
Wouldn’t it be great if you just saw like, textbooks and triangles and stuff flying behind him?

PAMIE
History!

ERIC
(accent back)
Biiiiiolllogy!

PAMIE
Typing!

ERIC
Typing!

PAMIE
Use the home row, Todd!  Use the home row!

ERIC
A-S-D-F-J-KL–

PAMIE
Semicolon!  Semicolon!  Semicolon!

ERIC
You must learn!

PAMIE
You must work!  You must carry this sack of flour and treat it like your own child!

ERIC
“A” Squared plus “B” squared equals “C” squared!

PAMIE
Tennis!

ERIC
What is this D in conduct, Todd?  I am very disappointed in you!

PAMIE
(dropping the accent)
Wait, what did he just say?

ERIC
“A ‘D’ in conduct!”

PAMIE
No, on the movie.  The film we are watching.

ERIC
Oh.  I don’t know.

PAMIE
Here.  I’ll rewind it.

ERIC
Rewind, Pamela!  Rewind with all of your soul!
[/scripty]

That and there’s a scene with a cat… and an oven.  As soon as he picked up the cat I said, “Wait, what’s happening here?”

“You don’t remember this part of the book?” Eric asked.

“No.”

Taylor sat right up from where he was sleeping, and started watching the cat scene on the television.  I petting him.  “I’m sorry about this, Taylor.”

“You okay Lillith?”  Eric was shielding her eyes.

As soon as the scene ended, Taylor turned right back to where he was and went back to sleep.  It was like the Feline Censor Board was making sure no cats were harmed in the making of the film.

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