I Survived Eat Through Austin

…and then this morning I Googled “master cleanse.”

ooooooohhhhhhhhh man, I am full of food. This year’s food-trip with Tara and Dave was shorter than the last time, but I managed to get an extraordinary amount of eating in. I started strong and ended strong, you guys. I had ice cream for dinner last night. Yes, that is bragging.

We did some antiquing (someone please send me these chairs), some drinking (heh, “some”), and some friend-gathering as we repeatedly hid from the oppressive heat. I recorded a podcast as the first female guest for a future episode of Totally Hungover, which may or may not end up being the last time they allow a female guest. There was officially too much Whataburger and not enough migas. Read more

dear texas. please send breakfast tacos from taco cabana.

Lately she’s written about gumbo, queso and crawfish, making me the Homesick Texan.

Spending time with Dave and Tara this week, our conversation turned once again to our plans to Eat Through Austin — a tour we consumed back in 2004 when Omar got married. That’s the last time I’ve been to Austin, and I hear it’s gone through some changes since then.

I know my Eat Through Austin pangs are bad when I’m craving Texadelphia or a sandwich from Thundercloud. That’s not just “Wow, I wish I could eat Salt Lick today” normal Austin nostalgia. I’m craving a sandwich on Oltorf. That’s got to be more about the feeling of being in Austin on a nice day, picking up a couple of sandwiches to take down by the lake, having the laziest of Sundays.

Is it too much to ask for one real Tex-Mex joint in Los Angeles? It seems every other person around here is from Texas. Why can’t we all get together and demand some decent migas?

Dammit, now I’m going to end up making homemade migas and queso and guacamole and buy some Shiner and find myself immobile on the couch stuffed with deliciousness and pain, weeping guilty tears from trying to create a gastric time machine. All because it’s a billion degrees outside and I can’t get to Trudy’s from here.

ow.

[scripty]
PAMIE
Hellooooo?

JESSICA
Hi. Are you okay?

PAMIE
Yeah. Hi. Are you okay?

JESSICA
Well, no, but… You sound funny. Are you crying?

PAMIE
I’m… Okay, I’m eating this curry. And it’s seriously the hottest thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. After every five minutes I have to stop eating it because my face hurts and my lips start to swell and I’m drooling.

JESSICA
Heeeeeee. You know, you sound really upset. I was worried.

PAMIE
Because I’m crying. But this curry is so good! I’m not kidding; I put the bowl down and wait until I can feel my face again, and my skin is getting kinda blotchy, but after five minutes I crave it and I’ve forgotten all about the pain. Then I dig in, shovel four bites into my mouth and then: “Flames! Flames, on the side of my face…heaving!”

JESSICA
Ha!

PAMIE
So, I had just waited the five minutes for my next bite, but then I saw you were calling, and I thought it would be a real asshole thing not to answer the phone just because my curry was too hot, and I thought I’d be able to handle it, so I shoveled a bite and then answered the phone, so now my tongue is on fire and I’m drooling.

JESSICA
Yes, I hear both the drooling and the crying.

PAMIE
Jessica, I’ve been eating this curry for the past hour!

JESSICA
Oh, my God! That is hilarious!

PAMIE
And these are leftovers.

JESSICA
What?! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaaa.

PAMIE
I did this exact same thing to myself last night.

JESSICA
That’s ridiculous! Oh, I can’t breathe. That is exactly what I needed to hear. Because I have been in such a bad mood, but that is…you…well, you sound crazy.

PAMIE
My mouth hurts so much. Your turn. What’s wrong? What happened?

JESSICA
Well, I had this bag of chocolate chips I had been saving for myself, to either put in some cookies I’d make, or just eat them all by myself because I’m too lazy to make cookies, and I went to go eat them tonight, but someone had thrown them away, and I was irrationally angry about it and I just stormed out of the house. But like, they were my chips and– what is that sound? What are you doing?

PAMIE
[caught]
Hmm? Are you talking to me?

JESSICA
Yes! What are you doing?

PAMIE
… I… I was grabbing some chocolate chips out of the pantry.

JESSICA
OH MY GOD!

PAMIE
You made them sound really good! And I thought it might cut some of the burn.

JESSICA
You are…

PAMIE
Pathetic. I know.

JESSICA
You’re pathetic? I’m the one who’s mad about chocolate chips.

PAMIE
So mad you ran away from home.

JESSICA
No, I…. yes. I guess I did. I ran away from home.

PAMIE
I understand.

JESSICA
Did the chips help?

PAMIE
Kinda. Maybe because they had peanut butter in them.

JESSICA
Are you six?

PAMIE
Shut up. Ow. OWWWWWW!

JESSICA
Did you just have another bite?

PAMIE
I can’t stop eating this curry of pain!
[/scripty]

[db]

You know what else is hot? 1158 books and $11880. Check out Dewey’s page for the latest giveaways, or just to get a warm, fuzzy feeling from pictures of kids holding books.

[Note: warm, fuzzy feeling 100% less warm and fuzzy than Southern Style Curry from Jitlada, but still might make you cry.]

One Night In Los Angeles

When the Ghetto Gourmet comes to your town, don’t miss the chance to eat good food in a stranger’s house. You might end up reuniting with old friends. Tandi, Julie, David (not pictured) and I worked together more than ten years ago at UT. Chef Josh was our boss back then, and that man has a way to make your evening turn into… well, kind of what you see here.

May I also recommend taking your balloon-animal-hat party over to Brass Monkey for late-night, reckless Karaoke.

morning.

Goooood morning.

I’m early for a meeting, and there’s wireless here. Yesterday I had a 9:00 meeting on the other side of town, which meant I left at 7:30 and still was a few minutes late. This morning I have an 8:00 meeting, so I left the house at 6:30.

I’m here almost a full hour early. Read more

reality.

reality is this: i’m currently blogging in my kitchen, waiting for an english muffin to toast in the toaster oven. i am toasting an english muffin because it is the only thing I could find to eat, and i’m blogging because I don’t know what else to do with these five minutes. I’m reading a book and it’s cold in the house and stee’s at poker and I’ve been home for less than an hour and I already went through eight Oprahs on TiVo and can’t find something to do that doesn’t remind me that I haven’t had any dinner. Read more

adventures with jollibee, continued.

Hi. I know some of you read this at work and would get in trouble for severe language, so don’t click the little “continue reading” after this sentence if you’re in (“urine!”) that kind of situation. I’m just going to post an email with some uniquely adult language.

Before I do, I should mention that I’ve been getting lots of nice email about Jollibee, its place in Filipino culture, why it’s better than McDonald’s (or McDo, as I’ve learned), and why it tasted so damn sweet. In fact, I’ve learned so much about the Philippines over the past week (including why I should be happy I didn’t have to try dinuguan or balut), that I’m really glad I had my Jollibee experience and wrote about it the way I did. Especially when I woke up this morning to find the following: Read more

Open Up and Say Yumburger.

You win, Jollibee.

You win.

“Ugly American.” That’s someone who can’t step foot into a room that’s slightly different without being filled with slack-jawed awe, all lifted eyebrows and rolling tongue, shocked and gasping at everything that looks slightly different from normal. Read more