10 Comments

  1. badkittyuno

    You’ve been a role model for me for a decade and a half–since I was in middle school and afraid to use a tampon. Now I have a marriage and two babies and I feel like I’ve grown up with you–maybe not alongside you but running along behind. Keep it up, Pamie.

  2. Amanda

    I’ve always counted you among the many amazing women and feminists that I know (online).

    It’s an interesting idea, the feminist scorecard. I really loathe the “choose your choice” brand of feminism-lite. That, “I’m a stay-at-home-mom who took her husband’s name and circumcised her son who she named after her husband and who brags about her shoe addiction…and I’m a feminist because it’s my CHOICE to do these things.” Uh. Ok. Sure.

    I didn’t take my husband’s name – 1 point for me. But my last name is my father’s name. – 1 point for the patriarchy. I got married. – 1 point for the patriarchy.

    I work outside the home, full-time – 1 point for me. But I’m trying to figure out how to work my schedule so that when my daughter hits kindergarten I can be home in the afternoons. – 1 point for the patriarchy. And, hey, maybe 1 point for her? I don’t know.

    But, I can tell I’m losing already. I do strongly feel that the personal is political but most of us don’t have the luxury let alone the interest in challenging every social system with every step we make. Letting women shoulder the burden of changing all of society? – 1 point for patriarchy. (Okay, 1 million points for the patriarchy.)

    I roll my eyes at “choose your choice” but I also don’t let that slow me down. Being married in a heterosexual relationship and being a mom and wearing a dress, you can do all these things while vocally supporting the rights of women and men to pursue life and liberty in an egalitarian way.

    Though I consider myself a staunch defender of feminism and have little patience for “arguments” against it. Thanks for this piece!

  3. You are one of my role models! I was so happy to see your book mentioned in Bad Feminist. I think I read it because of you, and it was definitely one of my favorites of the year. (Also Notes to Boys.)

  4. Jennifer

    I’m going to echo the love. I also remember junior high reading about Pamie being a Grrl back in the day. Thanks for helping raise me! You’re kid will someday stop beating the crap out of you and realize you’re awesome.

  5. I had a similar reaction to the title of the book. I haven’t read it yet, just some of Roxane’s writing online. I have a feeling I will enjoy the book.

    “I want to tell all the women without children to protect their child-free lives if they love them. Not to worry that they are missing out if they are truly happy with the way things are.”

    I love this. I am in my thirties, and fairly certain that I don’t want children (though I absolutely reserve the right to change my mind). Sometimes I have wobbles and this was good to hear. It’s fairly unusual to hear this from someone who has had a child and I appreciate it. (They are hypothetical wobbles – I’m not in a relationship, I’ve never had to choose between a relationship and childlessness and there isn’t a long line of men waiting to impregnate me, so really it’s just me over-thinking things!)
    I’m sorry your baby beats you up.

    I remember Amy Winehouse saying the same thing about her hair – “It’s mine, I bought it. I can show you the receipt if you like.”

  6. GT

    What a lovely essay. I think your scorecard is a solid B if not better–in the years I’ve been reading you, you’ve always been a cautiously optimistic, hysterically (hah–that word!) cyncial and stubbornly true-to-self feminist. I don’t think anyone’s card gets better than B unless you’re devoting your life to “being” a feminist instead of living your life, as best you can, according to feminist principles, as you understand them. And this comes from someone who also loves to be graded and who really, really doesn’t like to settle for “B.”

    Now inching (more like hurtling; it accelerates) right to the edge of being too old to conceive without alot of worry and risk, I especially responded to the call to treasure a child-free life if truly happy. My husband and I always said “if chidren happen that’s welcome, but we love our life and are not going to focus on it.” And for both of us, we still feel that way. (The fact that he can later change his mind while, barring adoption, I can’t, is biology, not the patriarchy.)

    Finally the hair story reminded me of something from Martial (the Oscar Wilde of the 1st century AD):

    “The golden hair that Gulla wears is hers–
    Who would have thought it?
    She swears ’tis hers, and true, she swears–
    For I know where she bought it!”

    But who cares what some old Roman thought about Gulla’s right to “ownership” of what she bought with what she earned, or in fact, how she earned it? Bey (not Father) always knows best.

  7. ace

    I miss your blog. I had hoped you’d be maybe the first person ever to have a baby and still keep up with such things, but I’m not sure anyone really can.

  8. Kayla Lane Freeman

    Long-time blog creeper, first-time commenter. Just finished listening to your She Does interview, and damn, it made me like and respect you even more.

    You inspire me. You are a role model to me. I really want to be a working comedy writer, too, someday.

    So A+ for the feminist score card. Yes to sincerity. Yes to flaws and contradictions. Yes to being open and vulnerable.

    Yes. A +

  9. karen jackosn

    well it’s been almost a year since anyone replied here. i started out looking at a quote from you about something so honest it needed a few moments to dissipate. it was on bosacks newsletter. it struck me as a very interesting truth. i hopped around on google and found this piece, thanks for writing it.

    i will be 70 in november. my daughter read sassy. i wish you well in life going forward; you ain’t seen nothing yet. every decade gets better and better. kj

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