Barflies

Something was noticably different as we drove up to my friends’ regular neighborhood bar last night.

“Did the bar change owners?” I asked as we pulled into the parking lot.

“No,” Hilary said. “Why?”

“The sign on the front says ‘Dirty Sanchez‘.”

“What?”

“That’s what it says.”

“Is it a banner?”

“No, I think it was a wooden sign.”

As we got out of the car, Hilary had her own ideas as to what that could mean. “It’s probably the name of a band playing,” she said.

“I sure as hell hope not,” I said.

Todd and stee were busy sharing all of the other jokes that have replaced the poopie/peepee ones we told at slumber parties.

“What is a Dirty Sanchez?” Hilary finally asked.

“You’re better off not knowing.”

About an hour later as we were standing outside the bar, we noticed the other wall of the building had another large sign. This one had an illustration of a woman wearing a sombrero and a thin moustache. Todd pointed out the lit sign on the roof of the building, the one that says “The Dirty Sanchez. OPEN ALL NIGHT.”

It was once we saw the banner tacked to the building letting us know that the normal establishment was still open for business that we were sure the bar was being used for a film. Someone asked the bartender, and we learned that Ben Stiller’s new movie was shooting there starting the next day, and this bar would be known as The Dirty Sanchez for a while.

A few hours later, three frat boys walked toward the building, saw the sign and stopped cold. They looked at Todd and me standing over by the door. They whispered something to each other, and then started to back away. “That says ‘Dirty Sanchez’!” one of them shouted at the other. A car of girls pulled up and stopped, obviously curious as to why they had turned around. “Naw, we’re gonna go somewhere else,” one of the guys said to the girl in the passenger seat.

“I think they think this is a gay bar,” I said to Todd. “Look at the fear on their faces.”

“Dirty Sanchez!” one of them shouted again.

“They should go see the sign on the other side, with the lady and the mustache,” I said to Todd, giggling at these boys’ fear.

“We should tell them it’s Karaoke night.”

“Did you guys see the sign on the side?” I shouted out. I couldn’t help myself.

Wide-eyed, one of them pointed at the bar again. “Yeah! She’s got a poo-stache! What is this place?”

“Dirty Sanchez!” another one of them shouted.

“They’re filming a movie here,” Todd said.

This made them even more uncomfortable. “What…kind of movie?”

Todd let them off the hook way sooner than I would have. He told them, “Ben Stiller’s new movie.”

Instantly the three relaxed, confident that they were no longer considered gay for standing near us or for being so close to the front door. Then they busted out laughing. “That’s so awesome!” they agreed, and shook their heads proudly at the large sign over the door. “I have to tell all of my friends to get down here and take pictures. I wish they had t-shirts!”

Then the three of them left to go back to their apartments and make sweet, sweet love, safe in the knowledge that Ben Stiller keeps them cool.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell them it was a porn shoot,” I said to Todd after the boys left.

“I was going to offer to let them see my balls.”

“That would have been awesome!”

“Yeah, except I know that while the three of them were kicking my ass, you would have been standing right there doubled over laughing.”

“Only for a little while. Then I’d go back to laughing about that chick’s ‘poo-stache’.”

“He called it a ‘poo-stache’!”

“Dude. Stiller’s still got it.”

“Comedy genius. Cutting edge.”

“Awesome.”

If you’d like to take your picture near the ‘stache of poo, drive your sweet ass over to here soon.

Currently Reading

  • Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers. And also, just to scare stee, I’ve been reading Garner’s American Modern Usage. It’s ultra-sexy in bed.
  • I also read The Dogs of Babel. I had a hard time remembering that the main character was supposed to be male and not female, due to the language. The first half of this book was wonderful, and often made me drop the book and weep for a little while, as it frightens that part of you that loves passionately and reminds you that everything is temporary. The second half of this book ended up being mostly a disappointment, as I saw where it was going and wanted to be able to pull it into a different direction.

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