Hi, Steve!

Look. The show, it will not die. So tonight, at midnight, on The New Tom Green Show, you can see Megyn Price and Tom Green perform a small piece from Call Us Crazy: The Anne Heche Monologues.

Go ahead and be speechless. I am.

I’m wearing a sweater. I’ve caught a cold, but I’m very happy to be in Northern California. Tuesday’s signing at the library was a lot of fun. I promise to do individual book signing updates next week when I’m back home.

Yesterday I had to stay away from the Internet. I was going to do it today, too, but Tom Green made me come out of hiding to tell all of you what’s going on. I know that the Internet is a wonderful place, one that has changed my life, given me some beautiful gifts as well as a career. I know that the Internet is a place that initiates change, can deliver hundreds of books to one small town, or motivate thousands of people to help out their own communities. I know that it helps lonely people find each other, can start beautiful love affairs by bringing back the art of love letters. I understand that it’s a place to swap information, to discuss politics, religion, Pokemon, Radiohead and beer.

But yesterday was one of those days where I hated the Internet and everybody on it.

It happens. I know I appear to be a pretty happy person who tra-la-las through life without a sour word or a cloudy day. That’s because I prefer not to burden you with my petty bullshit. Yesterday I was swimming in petty bullshit.

I am well aware that people aren’t going to like me, the words I write, the books I create, the things I say, the thoughts I think, the face I have or the stories I tell. That’s a given. That’s what people do. They like things and they hate things. And I’m completely familiar with both rejection and criticism. Believe me, that’s what I get most of my day, from people who may or may not be educated enough to give a valid opinion. I don’t have a problem with that.

But if you’re going to use the Internet to discuss your problems with me, or what I do, or to celebrate some flaw you’ve found, or to finally get off your chest just how much of an asshole you think I am, do me a favor.

Don’t link me.

Because then I’m going to find it, and then I’m going to read it, and there’s nothing you’re going to say that’s going to make me a better person. There’s nothing I can do that will help how much you hate me. You’ve made a decision and you want some validation for your thoughts, which may or may not be evil, and that’s who you are. And for some reason maybe you still read this page every day, just to remind yourself how much you hate me. Hey, I understand. I do the same thing with some websites, too. I may have to start doing it with yours. The difference is when I decide to talk shit about you, I don’t link you. There’s no need for you to hear every ill-informed statment I will unfairly and inappropriately generalize about you. Do me the same courtesy, please.

Also. If you are a person who’s having a hard time finding someone who will have sex with you, I’d appreciate it if you don’t email me pretending to be a thirteen-year old girl who loved reading my book and just happened to be wondering what it was like (“Details please!”) the first time I had sex with a boy. Come on. Get off the Internet and into a therapist’s chair and please stop touching keyboards.

So I wasn’t going to be here on the internet today, but Tom Green of all damn people brought me back. And as I’m writing this entry I remember how many of you I like. Like these cool kids right here, who have donated recently:

John Grisham’s The King of Torts and Mary Howitt’s The Spider and the Fly, sent by Grace.

And Tracy sent: The Barbary Plague: The Black Death in Victorian San Francisco, by Marilyn Chase and The Wide-Mouthed Frog: A Pop-Up Book, by Keith Faulkner.

And Joe Traband set up Help the Library.com for Toledo-Lucas County Library.

And then some of you were just as mad about that East Bay Express article from the other day, and wrote to talk about it.

Amanda writes:

[readermail]Hey Pamie,

Just wanted to let you know that the East Bay Express article *was* reaching for a slant. An OPL library card allows you to check out books and materials from all the OPL branches and you can request materials from other branches to be delivered to your personal branch (free of charge for the first 20 holds, then $0.50 each, annually). So all the books donated as well as the entire OPL circulating selections, is available to the entire OPL card-carrying public.

Granted, the Piedmont Branch is on the border of a more upscale neighborhood, but it is also easily accessible to it’s surrounding neighborhoods. Major bus lines run along both MacArthur and Broadway, as well as several schools, the Kaiser Hospital complex and has an enormous amount of foot traffic . There is also (limited) free parking nearby. It also serves many students, from both Piedmont and Oakland schools.

While I haven’t been to each branch, Piedmont is easily one of the smallest. Seriously Pamie, the Piedmont branch is *tiny* and their collection is totally hit or miss. While I am certainly am more familiar with the Piedmont branch than the other branches (although I am a Temescal resident, rather than Piedmont), it definitely was a branch in need.[/readermail]

And Kaleidoscope writes:

[readermail]what kind of nonsense is that? (a), it’s a library. it’s not a toolbox or a grocery store or the antarctic. how can it be the wrong place for any book? and (b), it was THEIR wish lists that asked for specific books, and mostly not individual people choosing to send random books to random branches. so – even if the wealthier branches got books, it’s still branches that were in desperate need of funding and books. (c), yeah, hi, the main branch decided where tons of the books went and they probably got the most books, even, and (d) i’m sure plenty of books got sent to the poorer branches because they put up wishlists too, they just weren’t the first ones, AAAAND (e) i was concerned about the lists at the time being mainly for the wealthiest branches too, SO I SENT MINE TO THE MAIN BRANCH! which could then distribute them where they were needed, putting the power in the hands of! the! librarians! I mean, it’s not like there wasn’t already an option in place for that, even before the other branches got up there – and I notice they don’t say anything about how many books went to the main branch.

this isn’t ROCKET SCIENCE. it’s kindly BOOK donations. i’m going to have to send this little rant to the express now :)

having gone and read their little dealie – i think they would have been a lot better off without the last bit about how librarians should go and ask you to shuffle whatever something blah blah smackypants.

On the bright side, it’ll get the book drive a lot more attention – and now there’s a conundrum named after you![/readermail]

She’s not the only one writing to the East Bay Express, I think. I was trying to get the librarians to do it, the other day. Send a copy of the list of all the donations from all over the world, and ask what kind of conundrum do they want instead? Jen adds:

[readermail]Pamie:

I am a longtime reader and a big fan. First, let me say congratulations on your new novel and applaud you in your efforts on behalf of OPL and other libraries. I thought that, in the spirit of those efforts, you might want to mention that some evil redneck asshole set the main library at the University of Georgia on fire. I haven’t been able to find out if they lost anything that can be replaced, as much of what was burned were microfiches of old documents and computer equipment, but I hoped you might get the word out in case any UGA alums that read your site hadn’t heard. They arrested a guy, but I won’t bring a book-burning idiot any recognition by mentioning his name here.

In other developments, from the East Bay article? If I ever quit being tone-deaf and start a band, I will name it “The Pamie Conundrum.” That rocks. We should make a diligent effort to bring that into the lexicon, like when you do something nice on a slow news day and somebody comes and craps all over it, we’ll call it a pamie conundrum.

Rock on,
Jen[/readermail]

So, anyway. Tom Green. Megyn Price. Play lives on forever.

Hated the Internet, but love it more. Love you. Only you. Forever you.

But those other bitches need to shut the hell up. Seriously.

Tonight’s appearance:

Thursday, July 31, 7:30 PM
Barnes & Noble #1922
98 Broadway
Oakland, CA 94607
510.272.0120
Reading, Q&A, Signing, Presents

Please donate a book to Oakland

Buy My Book

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