I Was Just About T–

There’s no way to say this without coming across kinda princess-y and precious, but I was sending out my thank you cards from Christmas (yes, about a month late, thanks), and I noticed that one of the gifts purchased from my Amazon.com wish list never arrived. If you sent me The Donnas, I didn’t get it. I would love to thank you, but Amazon.com basically told me to eff off. Who are you, mysterious stranger? Could you get Amazon.com to try again?

I’m about halfway through my pile ‘o things to do, and luckily there’s been two entire days with no show stuff to do. That’s the first in almost a full month, by the way. So, I’ve been pretty much attached to my iBook, catching up with work. The first draft of the pilot is finished, and it was one of the most difficult writing experiences I’ve ever had. Working with a partner is a different experience for me. I have to learn to be patient.

I also have to learn to stop interrupting people. I do this all the time and I hate it. But the problem is, once you’ve interrupted someone, how do you go back? I can apologize, but then usually people just go, “No, you go ahead.” And even if I try to be gracious and tell them to speak, then I’m just ordering them to speak, like I’m Queen of the Convo or something, passing around the conch.

I don’t know when I started doing this. While someone’s talking, my brain fills in the rest of the sentence they haven’t said yet and gives me the impulse to start talking. But they haven’t finished speaking. And maybe that’s not what they were going to say! But I’ll be all, “Yeah! This one time I…” or “I know! I was just thinking the other day…”

And how many times a day do I use the first person pronoun, anyway? It’s a lot, I tell you. I think maybe I spend too much time by myself, and that makes me aware of myself and I end up only being able to talk about myself. If I had a kid, I’m sure I’d just talk about the kid. But when I want to talk about something other than me, I find that it’s either about my boyfriend, my work or my cats.

I do believe that means I need to find a hobby. Or a group. Something.

I really enjoyed my walk this morning, as I knew it’d be the one time I was out of the house today. And yes, it’s the only time I wasn’t working today. But I’m going to be so happy when I finally finish this pile of work.

My last entry misused the word “Hopefully” about three times. I just learned recently that I misuse that all the time, starting a sentence with the word “Hopefully.” It should be “I am hopeful,” apparently, because “hopefully” is an adverb and should only modify an adjective or another adverb.

Look how I changed the subject from my annoying habit of interrupting people? Ah, that’s because nobody can interrupt me here. Of course, you could just click some link, or pull down another bookmark, or whatever. But I can just go on and on and on here and nothing will stop me.

How will I keep myself from stopping someone while they talk? I can’t just bite my lip — that looks like I’m just waiting for someone to shut up. I can’t just make a hand gesture for them to hurry up, right? That’s rude too, I guess. Looks like I’ll have to just clench my fists and make my palms bleed from my fingernails. It’s the only humane thing to do.

If everybody could just hurry it up a little, we wouldn’t even have this problem. You know what I’m going to say, and I know what you’re going to say, right? I mean:

I don’t know what else I should ___

I think I should go have a glass of ___

I hope that people come to see my ___

You already know the ends of those three sentences. Part of it is that I’ve become predictable, yes. But also, you’re smart. We’re smart people. We don’t need to just be so wordy anymore, do we? Let’s save each other precious minutes and hours out of our day by just short-handing our conversations. A workday could be finished in an hour and a half if everybody who was just babbling to you was forced to be concise. As soon as you get it, they have to stop talking. Isn’t that a beautiful idea? Ain’t that double plus good?

We’d reduce our conversations to nods and grunts, pointing and whining. We’d look each other in the eyes and hold entire conversations about who’s turn it is to do the dishes, or who’s going to go out to pick up the pizza. We already know how these conversations are going to go anyway, don’t we? Let’s just Caveman them.

I promise to not interrupt you anymore as long as you get to the point. Just say it. Just say it, already! Come on! I’m already late for something and you’re not helping. Say it. Spit it out. You want me to what? What do you want from me? What do you need? You obviously need something. We only talk to people when we need or want something. Here’s what I want from you. Now. What can I do for you? Quick! Just say it! Quit peppering it with nice-nice. I don’t have time for sweet-sweet. Let’s go! Can you ask me while I’m driving to the store, paying my bills at a stoplight? Because if I’m multi-tasking, you better do it too. Talk to me while you think of what you’re saying. Come on. Do it.

Grunt, grunt, pant, pant. Nod. Nod. Kiss. Kiss. Hug. Cuddle. Food. Sleep. Sleep. Stretch. Kiss. Run.

Do it. Come on. Let’s go. You look great. Let’s go. We’re late. Come on. Yes.

Hi. Yes. Mmm.


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