Going Outside

I’ve been having some email problems, so if you’ve emailed me recently and I’ve taken way too long to get back to you, know that I’m either going to email you back or I just lost the damn thing entirely. That appears to be the one growing pain in the site move, and the guys hosting me are working on it as fast as they can.

The company I went with is called Myrmid, and so far they’ve been more than excellent at answering all of my questions, taking time to talk to me immediately, and made me feel right at home. They were recommended by the guy who runs 8-bit Theater, and he couldn’t say enough good things about them, so there you go. If you’re looking for hosting with real people who treat you as a human being and not a stack of fifties, then tell ’em I sent you.

I’ve been stuck in the house working constantly for the past week. It’s been insane. Anna Beth gets here in a couple of days (if you called her right now she could tell you the time remaining down to the nanosecond), and I’m furiously trying to get everything done before she’s all up on my futon. Consequently I had to be just about dragged out of the house Saturday night to see Rilo Kiley, the best band you’re not listening to. It was their CD release party for their new album. I was rewarded for leaving the house, though. As I left the concert floor to use the bathroom I ran into Jake Gyllenhaal.

Here’s the thing. I’m trying to be good about these celebrity spottings. I’ve been here two years now and you’d think I’d just grow the fuck up about it. For the most part I’m good at just going, “Oh, look who that is,” and then moving on. I mean, this is where they all live. It’s not that amazing of a coincidence, when you think about it. But a few weeks ago when I ate lunch in the same room as Chad Smith from Red Hot Chili Peppers, it took all the strength I had not to walk over there and Chris Farley about how awesome he is and how I have all his albums and I love By the Way and all kinds of other embarrassing things.

So now I’ve met Jake Gyllenhaal. I’ve met him and he touched me.

Wait. Wait. I think that’s wrong. I met him, like, he said a few words to me. He apologized for standing in my way as I was trying to get by and I told him that it was all right. Or maybe I said, “Okay. It’s okay.” or something cool and soothing like that. You know, as he searched my eyes the way he does with those big eyes that are always sad. You know, how he’ll one day play Holden Caulfield and all.

Shit. Wait. No. I don’t think he touched me. Yeah, what happened was I touched him. Now I’m starting to remember.

So, then Jake Gyllenhaal (remember my new crush on the entire Gyllenhaal family) is standing right in front of me, and as soon as I’m sure he’s not Tobey Maguire I just stop walking. Now, his group of people is totally blocking the entrance, so I had no choice but to stop in front of him, and I didn’t know it was him when I stopped walking. We just stared at each other for a second as I realized who he was. He says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” or something like that and then I reach out, touch his right elbow and go, “Oh, it’s okay.” But like, I’m totally sincere when I do it. You know? Like, so cool that he forgets the tiny blonde on his arm and wishes he wasn’t dressed like Johnny Knoxville long enough to ask me about Rilo Kiley and have me tell him all about their other concerts that I’ve seen, like when they opened up for The Breeders and when I missed them opening for Weezer.

I walk back to my group an announce that Jake Gyllenhaal and me just had a tryst in the hallway. Everyone’s impressed, because Jake Gyllenhaal hasn’t done anything to make anyone hate him yet, and it’s declared “cool” that he’s here. “Damn. Now our band isn’t cool anymore. Now it’s ‘hip.'” So, you know, Rilo Kiley: they’re so hip they’re out.

In you-can-see-me-elsewhere news, I’m recapping Boomtown for TWoP and the recap will be up either tonight or tomorrow sometime. Back to work.

Leave a Reply