Nerves

thanks to the stylist

[scripty]
STYLIST
So, what do you want me to do with your hair?PAMIE
Well, I always hate it, but I probably shouldn’t do anything drastic tonight.

STYLIST
You’re going out?

PAMIE
Yes.

STYLIST
Where?

PAMIE
I don’t know.

STYLIST
Just going out?

PAMIE
No, I just don’t know where he’s taking me.

STYLIST
Oh. A surprise?

PAMIE
Yeah. I guess so.

STYLIST
Is there an occasion?

PAMIE
My birthday was yesterday.

STYLIST
Oh, so it’s a birthday surprise. You have any idea?

PAMIE
No. I just know that I’m supposed to “look nice and be hungry.” I’m assuming it’s dinner.

STYLIST
But it could be anything, right?

PAMIE
Uh…

STYLIST
Like, it could be dinner but then right afterwards there’s a big surprise party and the dinner was just to get you out of the house for everyone to show up and then you’re all dressed up and everyone else is comfortable. And what if you eat a lot at dinner and then you’re all full and puffy and everyone else is ready to party?

PAMIE
Well…

STYLIST
Or if you drink too much at dinner and show up all drunk to your party?

PAMIE
I don’t know about a party.

STYLIST
He might take you dancing, right? You could go out dancing? Right after you eat? Oh, or before you eat. God. What are you going to wear?

PAMIE
I have a black dress.

STYLIST
I just don’t know if we should do your hair up or down.

PAMIE
I usually wear it up.

STYLIST
So we’ll go down this time. Yeah, down. Oh, aren’t you nervous?

PAMIE
Well, I wasn’t before, but…

STYLIST
I’d be terrified. I’d be calling him every three seconds asking for clues so I know what to wear. You wearing shoes with heels?

PAMIE
Yeah.

STYLIST
That’s probably good. Oh, this is driving me crazy. Tell me everything he said.

PAMIE
“Look nice and be hungry.”

STYLIST
When’s the last time you ate?

PAMIE
Yesterday.

STYLIST
Good.

PAMIE
Wait. I had a donut this morning.

STYLIST
That probably doesn’t count. Good, so you’re hungry?

PAMIE
Yes, and this glass of wine that Ray brought me isn’t making this any easier.

STYLIST
Tell me again what he said.

PAMIE
“Look nice and be hungry.”

STYLIST
That could mean anything! Oh, this is driving me crazy. Tell me exactly what your dress looks like.

PAMIE
It’s black.

STYLIST
Just black?

PAMIE
It has little sparkly things on it. Not like a Bedazzler or anything, but like…

STYLIST
It shimmers in the light.

PAMIE
Yeah.

STYLIST
That’s good. In case you go dancing.

PAMIE
I don’t think I’m…

STYLIST
I can’t believe I don’t have any bobby pins. I usually do. Then I could put your hair up for when you go dancing.

PAMIE
Down is fine.

RAY
What’s wrong with your head, Pam?

PAMIE
I don’t know. It looks like I got bit.

STYLIST
Oh, God. Right here on your forehead. That means I might have gotten bit, too.

PAMIE
Why is my entire head turning red?

STYLIST
Don’t touch it or scratch it. Maybe it’ll go down. Oh, God. When is he picking you up?

PAMIE
An hour and a half or so.

STYLIST
WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!

PAMIE
I really just need to calm down and then my face will clear.

RAY
Drink more wine.

STYLIST
Yes, drink more wine, and tell me exactly what your dress straps look like. It has straps, right?

PAMIE
Yeah, little straps.

STYLIST
How little?

PAMIE
About this big.

STYLIST
Then we’ll keep your hair down and try and brush your hair so it covers all this red. Just calm down, okay?

PAMIE
Maybe you could just stop talking about…

STYLIST
Are you not just freaking out right now? I’d be freaking out. You don’t even know where he’s taking you and now your face is getting all puffy and blotchy and he’s picking you up in like an hour.

RAY
Drink more wine.

PAMIE
I really just want my hair to be done so I can go get dressed.

STYLIST
Your straps, they’re about this wide?

PAMIE
Yeah.

STYLIST
I think we’re going to be okay, here.

RAY
You look pretty.

PAMIE
That’s what we’re going for, here.

STYLIST
Where is she going tonight?

RAY
I don’t know.

STYLIST
Are you lying?

RAY
No, I don’t know. We just came here to get drinks and then decided to do her hair. I know nothing.

STYLIST
Not even where she’s eating?

RAY
You’re going out for dinner?

PAMIE
I DON’T KNOW.

STYLIST
Okay, we’re all done here.

PAMIE
I’m going to buy this rose water to calm my face while we sit outside and finish our drinks, okay, Ray?

RAY
Sounds good, Miss Pam.

Pamie turns to open her purse and it knocks into her glass of wine. The glass of wine spills all over $500 worth of hair products. The surly boy cashier hates her.

PAMIE
I’m so sorry.

RAY
And that’s why they don’t normally allow you to bring your drinks into the salon from the bar.

PAMIE
God.

RAY
With your big ol’ swollen head.

PAMIE
Ray. This is what I was telling you as we were walking over here. I am not graceful. I am not elegant. I can’t even pay for a haircut without ruining everything.

RAY
Here, let me help clean it up.

PAMIE
It’s clean. Let’s just get out of here before anything worse happens.

STYLIST
Oh, God! Have a good time tonight! Look good dancing!

RAY
I thought you said you didn’t know where you were going.

PAMIE
I don’t. She’s just created an alternate universe for me.
[/scripty]

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