I'm Not Dead

i just had a busy weekend

Yeah, so anyway. Totally not dead. I just had a busy weekend.

I was either performing or at a show every day, and I had company and people from out of town and there was television to watch and games to play and dinners to eat and sleep to catch and drinks to drink and friends to see and work to do and suddenly it’s Tuesday.

Never ever grocery shop when you’re about to get your period. I just bought myself a container of fried chicken. I haven’t had fried chicken in two years. I couldn’t stand it. I was just in the deli waiting for some turkey breast and the smell was getting to me and it doesn’t even look like good chicken but I had to have it. And I bought it. And I ate it. And now my stomach hates me but the rest of me is quite pleased.

And since I’m grumpy and tender and fragile, I’d just let myself buy any sort of impulse trinket. This is why I should always shop with Eric. He talks me out of all stupid purchases. Instead I bought six candles, a rice bowl (for that one evening when I’m sure I’ll want to eat all healthy), and for some strange reason spinach, artichoke and cheese dip.

I bought tortillas, but I didn’t buy taco meat. I bought green and red peppers, but I didn’t buy corn. I bought cheese, but I didn’t buy crackers. I bought lunchmeat but I didn’t buy a tomato. I almost bought full meals but I’m missing the small part that will make it taste good. I think I bought all of the ingredients for Cathy’s Chicken Curry Casserole, which I love, but I don’t even know when I’ll have the time to make that. I’m so dumb.

I impulse bought Echinacea Odwalla and Sunny Delight. I forgot to buy cigarettes. I bought bathroom cleansers but forgot to get kitchen cleansers. I bought kitty litter but forgot to buy the stuff to clean the litter box. I bought milk even though Ray had just bought a gallon. I bought tuna but forgot to buy an onion.

I forgot to buy Midol.

I forgot to buy toothpaste.

I still spent way too much money. How is that possible? Maybe it’s because I am the only person I know in the world that impulse buys cube steak. I don’t even know when I’m going to have time to cook that. I almost bought cookie dough. That’s silly, too.

Speaking of crazy women, my new Gilmore Girls recap is up and I should have some other pieces going up later this week. I’ve got to get back to work, but I wanted all of you to know that I’m not dead. I was busy. I had good shows this weekend and I’m pretty happy with the work that I did on Sunday.

I’ve been talking to friends on the phone and catching up with people and yesterday for the first time in I don’t know how long I didn’t open my computer once. That was how I celebrated President’s Day.

I’ve also been having strange dreams lately because I tend to stay up until I just physically can’t keep my eyes open anymore, and last night I dreamt that my comedy instructor started kissing me in front of the class. I remember thinking, “I had no idea that he liked me.” This is better than the last time I had this kind of dream. At least my comedy instructor is cute and around my age. I dreamt once that my acting teacher was using my body to instruct the class on how to have sex. Specifically, well, (close your eyes, Mom) some back door action (I know you read that anyway, Mom). The actual bending of my naked body in front of the class part wasn’t as horrible as the moment he was explaining “foreplay” and sort of boxed me on the side of my left breast. I woke up with the shivers and couldn’t go to class for three days. I really couldn’t face that man at all. To this day I still remember the feeling of that half-hearted boobie shake.

I think it’s possible with this entry alone that any one of you could have me committed effortlessly.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think there are some Doritos singing the Pamie Love song.

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