MY OWN FRUIT PIE!

flashback: one month ago
Eric and Pamie go to see a movie. Afterwards they stop to buy some clothing. When Eric goes to pay he realizes that he doesn’t have his check card anymore. He left it in the ATM when he pulled cash before the film. Even though The Eyes of Tammy Faye was a short movie, there was no way his card would still be sticking out of the ATM. Eric calls and cancels his card. Luckily, the card was sucked back inside the ATM and no one had made any large withdrawals or transactions on his card while he was learning about The 700 Club.

Even though she doesn’t say it, for a brief moment, pamie wonders how someone could actually forget to take their ATM card out of a machine. She remembers how that particular ATM shoots the receipt at you so powerfully that you could very well receive a paper cut on your chin if you aren’t there in the crane stance from The Karate Kid, but still… how does one actually forget to take their card?

Present day: this morning

Pamie goes to make a deposit. At the same time she’s on the phone with Eric discussing moving expenses, upcoming costs, how she just put in a thirty day notice to the apartment complex and how they took too long to make the thirty day notice and now they owe the apartment complex more money, and how she can’t believe how long it’s taking her coffee to be made by the barista. She fills out her deposit slips and continues blabbing along. She pauses for a second when she’s saying numbers to Eric and trying to write her account numbers and starts getting the two confused. She finishes making the deposit and walks the three feet over to the coffee counter to pay for her coffee. The Barista charges her for a mocha. She asked for a latte. He says she asked for a mocha. She’s sure she said latte, but if he made her a mocha, she’ll pay the extra seventy cents for the mocha. She pays and sniffs the coffee. Clearly a latte and not a mocha. Just as she is about to complain she realizes that she never grabbed her ATM card (her check card, her credit card) from the ATM. She turns around and sees the card is gone. She touches the slot, as if she’s got some sort of Powder ability to suck the card back out of the machine. She whimpers. She curses. She calls Eric back and tells him to cease all possible money transactions, as she knows it’ll be at least a week before she has access to her bank account now, and she’s on a plane to Pittsburgh and then she’s visiting LA.

She realizes that she’s done just what Eric did. She sips her non-mocha drink and calls the bank.

After five disconnections (and some screaming in the car) they finally promise to overnight her a new check card by the next day. It will arrive at the same bank where they took her card. She knows all they have to do is open that machine and hand her the card. Instead she’ll have to sweat out the FedEx guy, waiting for the ability to get back into her bank account.

They ask her which check card needs to be replaced. There are three check cards in her name. Every check card she’s ever been issued still exists. The card stuck inside Club Protege? Still active. The card lost when her wallet was lost? Still active. She tells them to cancel all cards and issue a new one. “Well, are you holding your check card now?” “No.” “I need you to read off the numbers to me.” “IT’S INSIDE THE MACHINE.” “Right, I know. Are you holding onto it?” “Am I one foot tall? No! I’m not inside the machine. I CAN’T HAVE THE CARD IN MY HAND OR I WOULDN’T BE CALLING YOU.” “I KNOW THAT!” “Then, what?” “Huh?” “Jesus.”

Oh, and just in case she thought that was going to be the only thing hampering on her day where she has to wear the big baggy pants and the t-shirt, wishing that she did have some mocha in her latte– her mom is on her way. She’s seeing the show tonight.

The show last night only made pamie cry about three times. Tonight will be much worse. The last show in Austin. Her last hurrah. The city where she’s been performing for seven years. She’s saying goodbye. With her friends. Tonight.

There will be tears.

But at least she can’t buy the round of drinks on her card.