i’m stoopid.

Okay, so I’m stupid.


I tech tonight, for my new show. I thought for some time that I’d do the old show over again and be all, “Yeah, this is my old show, here it is, you are all my bitches.” But then I got to thinking that it wasn’t often you got a big space with a captive audience and advertising and promoting and all of that and I’d might as well try out some new shit to work on to audition with this fall for Aspen. So, I decided to do a new show. Well, mostly new. There’s some stuff from the old show in there.

What I’m getting at here is suddenly this thing opens tomorrow and I’m trying not to freak out. I’m not doing very well. Luckily I get good e-mail from stee:


i came in a little late. much to do, but sam jackson is on howard and is so fucking cool. man, you just want to hang with him. i have no desire to see shaft, but he is the fucking coolest.

oh jesus, someone’s asking him to do some lines from Pulp Fiction. jeez.


i was listening to that samuel jackson stuff on my way in. i find it fascinating that you could become a part of such a pop culture icon that people are asking you folklore about the film and shit. like what’s in the suitcase. how the fuck should he know, he didn’t write the film. he was in it. and not in every scene and shit.

i don’t know. like how some people that read mbtv think i write, direct and produce get real. i don’t get it.

and he’s there for shaft, not pulp fiction.

but i swear one day james lipton is going to ask someone to do a bit from their famous monologue. he’s suck an ass kisser.

“val kilmer. actor. creator. shape-shifter. human genius. would you do us the honor, the beauty, the sublime treat of reciting some of your lines from the doors? perhaps the scene where you are on top of the car announcing your new status as the patriarch of the reptiles? let’s all sit back and watch in awe as a lingual master shows us why God created sound.”




“steve guttenberg. actor. father. diety. it, sir, is a humbling pleasure to be in your presence. however, in the words of the great 5th century poet thembercher hortenspire, “it is one thing to view the sparrow, to touch the sparrow, to smell the sparrow, but it is another altogether to hear the sparrow.” if i could be so bold, i would ask you to do me the great favor of cuffing me resoundingly across the forehead for i am truly not worthy to ask this favor of you: would you grace us with a few lines from your climatic speech from the great 1990 jamie gertz comedy, “Don’t Tell Her It’s Me.” I ask this for the benefit of these hungry-minded students so that they might soak up just an ounce of your God-like talents. Afterward, you may do with me what you will.”


So, I’m sitting here coding listening to John Travolta sing. Don’t ask. But, I’ve got to go make set lists and things.

Here, go watch my friend Laura House make with the funny-funny. She’s got mad skillz, yo. She wrote and did the voice for this piece about roseanne.

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