and introducing the cute single boy of the week
- eating ice cream.
- feeding someone ice cream.
- getting a pedicure.
- getting a haircut.
- letting someone wash my hair.
- taking a really long nap followed by a really good stretch. The kind where your toes touch one end of the bed and your fingertips touch the other. (I’m short, okay?)
- making chocolate chip cookies for other people.
- shopping for new clothes.
- drive for a very long time to a place i’ve never been before.
- sitting on my porch with a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of red wine and a telephone.
- being by my mother’s side when she needs me.
- taking my sister to an amusement park.
- pulling out my skateboard and seeing if I can still railslide.
- getting breakfast at Kerbey Lane Cafe.
- playing fetch with my parents’ dog.
- making a mix tape.
- writing a book.
- making eric cancel his rehearsal and go swimming with me.
- having lunch with David Sedaris.
- getting people to adopt stray animals.
- seeing an old elementary school to see if it still looks scary.
- taking pictures of my friends.
- getting a very large alamocha and a friend and just sitting still while people rush past us.
- buying a passport.
- buying a new car.
- donating my old clothes.
- buying a bowler hat for Cal.
- playing softball.
- having drinks on the patio at Iron Cactus.
- playing a bunch of video games. beat boys who think i’m just a gurl.
- planning my next vacation.
- reading a really good book.
- taking a bath.
One of my favorite lines from “Chicago” is when Roxie plans her celebrity life and says “I gotta get me some boys. I gotta get me a whole lotta boys.” Then as she sings they join her in the background and she says, “These are my boys.”
I’ve looked around and realized that lately I got me a whole lotta boys. I love them all dearly. But sometimes they need more than I can give them on my own. For that reason, I present to you a guest entry by my boy Trejo, whose science is so tight you almost get blinded.
Hi, My name is Mical. I’m a good friend of Pam and Eric’s.
I’ve read Squishy for some time now and I think something is missing. Namely an advertisement for me and all of my manliness.
Are you lonely? Do you need to get drunk with somebody who just doesn’t seem to give a shit about anything including himself? Are you feeling like you might just want a one-night stand? Or somebody to watch you go about your one-night stand? Fuck, I’ll even film you in the process of your one-night stand and I’ll throw in a running commentary free of charge.
You see I am in a territory known as Singleville. I’ve been here before and although the climate is a bit warmer than I remember, it still promises to be just as I remember it.
Lots of masturbation.
Oops, have I said too much? I tend to do that. But you see, you’ll fall madly in lust with my bluntness. But I won’t make the first move.
You see, I’m as close to the perfect man as anybody can actually get. I work out everyday, I’m a great cook and I’m Hispanic.
This message is clearly for the ladies. I’m talkin’ ’bout all the hunnies that wanna git all up in my shit. There is plenty of my mad flava to go around. Just don’t expect to get my home digits.
If you can’t tell by now, I’m totally off the rebound. I’ve convinced myself that I’m dating Pam and Eric. Not each of them individually, but both of them at the same time.
I think it is time for me to break up with them and move on to something much more interesting, like you baby. I dig their cats and their fly CD changer, but it is time for a change for the Mikester.
I can’t wait to go to dozens of bars on 6th street and spend way too much money on shit I would never drink, all to get a chance to talk to you baby.
Pamie has endorsed my Flyness, and Eric has given me “Mad Props” on numerous occasions. Stee even said he “heard a lot about me” which is L.A. speak for “He’s good people and he is well hung.”
Heck, I even bowled a 136 the other night.
So what more do you need? Drop me a line baby…and you’ll totally scare the shit out of me.
Did I mention that I’m an actor?…Wait…where are you going?!!…I meant to say “Young Professional!”
Confused and single like a mug,