the explanation

There’s something in the air.

There’s something about this time of year. I don’t know if it’s the weather, or the holiday or what, but there’s something in this late-winter time that tests love.

It makes you re-evaluate your life. It makes you scared. It makes you want to make changes.

I’m afraid to write about any of it. I don’t want anything to become real by what I say. These thoughts and fears and possibilities that are surrounding my life right now seem like they could be very real once I wrote them down. I’m not hiding from you, I’m just concentrating my passions and desires where they need to be right now.

Love is hard. It tests you. It changes your life.

When I wrote about Lillith dying, I was able to do it because it had happened. It was an end of a chapter in my life. I could express the feelings and emotions because I knew exactly what had happened.

But right now I don’t know what’s going to happen. My life is really in this swirly scary place right now, and all I can say is I hope you’ll still be there when I get to the other side. I don’t even know where that place is.

I may come here and write about other things. It will be because I need an outlet. I need a place to write about things that maybe aren’t as consuming. I need a place to speak about other things and to get my mind off the matters of my heart.

This place has always been a place for me to celebrate the wonderful things in my life. And I can’t do that when things aren’t wonderful. I can’t do that when someone is in pain.

I’m not in Toronto. I don’t know where you got that idea.

But the funny thing is, I really don’t know where I am right now at all.

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