fun and games

extended weekend dance remix

Sorry about yesterday. There was a power outage at work for over an hour and I was in meetings the rest of the day. I’ll try and make it up to you. Next, I won’t be writing tomorrow, so here’s the extended dance remix Squishy to get you through the next two days.

Info from Xeney

Do you read a lot of online journals? Are you frustrated because you’d like to participate in the Diarist Awards but you can’t vote because you don’t keep a journal yourself? Some folks are organizing a Readers’ Choice award to complement the Diarist Awards. There’s a discussion group forming, if you want to get in on the ground floor.

High School Confessions

How I almost got arrested

So, I was seventeen and dating a boy named Brian for quite a few months at the time. We decided one night to go out to this lonely road and look at the stars. What? Why are you looking at me like that? We went to go look at the stars. Look, the street was always empty and no one ever went down it because it didn’t lead to anything and you could really see the sky well from there. Really.

Okay, maybe there was a bit more involved.

So there we were looking at the stars and dancing to music on the radio under this big bright moon and our hormonally charged bodies were telling us that the time was right to do some serious first to second base action. We got into the car and started kissing. I don’t know, this was a while ago, so I don’t know how everything happened, but here’s the good part: I’ve now got my shirt off and I’m in just a bra and I’m in the backseat of this car with my boyfriend (who’s still got his shirt on — but it’s unbuttoned). We’re kissing and all and just as I pull off Brian’s shirt and lean up for some necking I see through the foggy windows headlights coming in our direction.

“There’s a car coming,” I said.

I don’t know what happens to the teenage brain when it thinks it could potentially be in trouble, but this episode is a good case study for it.

“Get down!” Brian yelled.

We both huddled down in the backseat of the car. I watched the headlights pass. I watched the back of the car slow down and come to a stop.

“I think he saw us,” I aptly remarked.

“Is it a cop?”

“I can’t see through the windows so well.”

Cue the reverse lights.

“OH SHIT!”

[scripty]
PAMIE
It’s backing up! It’s backing up! It’s backing up!

BRIAN
Is it a cop? Is it a cop? Is it a cop?

PAMIE
It could be, it might be, IT’S A COP!

BRIAN
Oh, Jesus!
[/scripty]

We jumped into the front seat of the car. I was fumbling with my shirt — damn buttons — and realized that I’d never get the shirt on in time. I could see the officer approaching our car. Brian quickly fastened his seatbelt. My body jolted with The Perfect Idea:

[scripty]
PAMIE
Tell him I’m sleeping.BRIAN
What?

PAMIE
Just– I’m going to lean the seat back and you tell him I’m asleep and you pulled over to check on me.

BRIAN
And then I just took off your shirt– what?

PAMIE
Say I was hot or something!
[/scripty]

So there I am reclined in the passenger seat with my shirt thrown over my chest while my topless boyfriend sits in the passenger side pulling out his registration. The officer knocks on the window. Brian rolls it down.

[scripty]
BRIAN
Hello, officer.

OFFICER
Would you please step out of the vehicle?

BRIAN
Of course.

PAMIE
Do you want me to come too?

OFFICER
No, why don’t you just concentrate on putting your clothes back on.

PAMIE
Of course.
[/scripty]

This is where I sat in the front seat completely freaking out. I could see Brian slapping his head and jerking his body in that complete Chris Farley “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” kind of way. The officer was reading his driver’s license. He started walking back towards me. He leaned in the driver’s side.

[scripty]
OFFICER
What’s your name?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
Please don’t call my parents, please don’t call my parents, please don’t call my parents

PAMIE
Pam.

OFFICER
And how old are you?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
If you tell him you’re a minor you’re in even more trouble, kid. There’s curfew you know. You’re probably breaking curfew. So stupid. Going out to see the stars. This stuff always happens to you. Go ahead, might as well fess up. Tell him you’re seventeen.

PAMIE
Eighteen.

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
What? What did you say? Eighteen? You aren’t eighteen for another six months! Oh, man. Brilliant. What if he asks to see your license, too, Miss Smarty? You are so screwed.

OFFICER
So you’re here completely of your own will?

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
Tell him Brian forced you there and then you can get home and not be grounded. Make Brian take the heat.

PAMIE
Yes, sir.

OFFICER
Now, he can’t hear you over there, so you can be honest with me. Did you want to come here and be with this boy? Because if you didn’t I could take care of the situation.

PAMIE
No, officer. I came here on my own.

INSIDE PAMIE’S HEAD
You dirty whore.
[/scripty]

The officer walked back to Brian and told him he could get back in the car. He leaned in and said to us, “Now, I don’t want you guys around here, okay? This place isn’t safe. We’ve been finding some dead bodies out here lately, so I think it’s a bit of a dangerous area. If you kids want to be together for that stuff, go to his house or her house or go get a hotel room– I don’t care where you go, but it’s not safe to do it on a deserted street. Okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You kids be safe, now.”

And he left. And as we sat there in silence for a few minutes watching the officer drive away, I thought about how there probably weren’t any dead bodies, but he just wanted to scare us into being responsible. I thought about how it could have been some sort of serial killer or someone crazy who would have attacked us and no one would have known where we had gone. I thought about how lucky I was to be with someone who cared about me and loved me and didn’t want to harm me and just wanted to spend an evening under the stars.

[scripty]
BRIAN
“Tell him I’m sleeping?”

PAMIE
Shut up, Mr. Seatbelt.

BRIAN
Shut up.

PAMIE
“Oh, don’t worry, Officer. We’re being safe. I’m wearing my seat belt!”

BRIAN
I liked how you made it look like you were taking a nap and then I just had to pull over on this deserted road and start pawing you.

PAMIE
Hey, be nice. He offered to take you to jail for me.

BRIAN
I shouldn’t have to thank you for not throwing me in jail.

PAMIE
I’m just saying.

BRIAN
“Tell him I’m sleeping.”

PAMIE
I told him I was eighteen.

BRIAN
You did?

PAMIE
Yeah. I’m an idiot.

BRIAN
Yeah.

PAMIE
Oh, there he goes. Thank you, Officer Friendly!

BRIAN
Thank you, Officer Friendly!
[/scripty]

And that’s how it happened. Here I am, seven years later, still with a clean criminal record. Oh, and what happened to Brian? Well, he’s married now. You can check out his rock and roll lifestyle here.

What about the “Fun?”

Right. You guys don’t miss anything. Here you can see Brian perform the Human Crazy Straw. My little Brian’s all growns up. Have fun.

Okay, the next two links are to get you through the missing Squishy tomorrow:

Stuff for Friday

There’s a brand new Get Real re-cap posted Friday morning at the latest. Have fun.

Or you could read my Technopolis article. It won’t be posted until Friday or Saturday.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

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