don’t go away mad

i try to show you something and you take it all wrong

Apparently everyone wants to know about Austin.  I wouldn’t have thought that would be the most popular search.  I’ll tell you that “panties” was not such a shock.  I think some people come here and say “Where’s the panties?” and then just click around a few times and then leave frustrated.

“eric” is a pretty easy one.  I think he was probably also the one searching for “mclaughlin,” since that was his play and I’ll even give him “sex” because I like thinking that instead of some random guy who couldn’t find the panties.

“john”, “travolta”, “ricky”, “martin”, “nosy”– those are probably people searching for specific entries.  That’s what the engine was for, so I’m glad it’s being used.

I think “kymm” may have been curious…  and “eleanor“…

now “cabin,” “dogs,” and “fever” I really couldn’t tell you.  “becca” was probably looking for herself and her boyfriend “matt.”

I’m assuming that someone had given up on “panties” and “sex” and tried to find “vagina”, got “va” in and then just went back to using both hands and gave up.

So, I’m happy the search engine is being used.

[scripty]
YOU
Oh, that’s great.  I’m so happy she likes her search engine.

PAMIE
What?

YOU
What?

PAMIE
What’s with that tone?

YOU
What tone?

PAMIE
That tone there, with the little lilt in your voice.

YOU
There’s no lilt.

PAMIE
There was.

YOU
You’re being silly.

PAMIE
There’s that lilt again!

YOU
I was just saying that it’s great you found something you like.

PAMIE
You don’t have to patronize me.

YOU
I’m not patro–

PAMIE
Oh, and rolling your eyes?  Is that necessary?

YOU
Okay, I think maybe you just–

PAMIE
Hey!  You don’t have to take that tone–

YOU
THERE IS NO TONE!

PAMIE
I heard a tone.

YOU
Who cares about your friggin search engine, okay?  Fine!  There’s my tone!  It’s astonishment that you think for one second I could give a crap who is searching your site for “rollins,” okay?  Unless I’m Kim Rollins, I really don’t care how many times you’ve written about her.

PAMIE
Well, I’m…

YOU
And okay, maybe one of the “panties” was me, okay?  Maybe it was, but what, is that a crime?  Am I being punished?  Am I up for ridicule now because you’ve got your precious search engine and you’re all cool and shit?  Huh?

PAMIE
No, I just–

YOU
Oh, who has the tone now, huh?

PAMIE
This isn’t a tone!

YOU
Whatever.

PAMIE
I think you should calm down.

YOU
Oh, now you think you can tell me what to do.

PAMIE
No, I–

YOU
Look, all I’m saying is it’s nice you have a little search engine.  I’m happy for your little hobby.  Bravo.  Bra-fucking-vo, okay?  I’m applauding and hooting over here.  I just made everyone in my office raise their mugs to your fucking honor, okay?  You are so great.

PAMIE
Hey now–

YOU
You know what’s really funny?  You know what’s so damn funny about the whole thing?  The fact that you think I care so much about your stupid search engine that you’d go so far as to take a screen shot and put it in photoshop, edit the picture, and then slap a big honkin’ jpeg on the top of the entry so I’ve got to wait for a friggin download of a list that you could have copied and put on the site and saved me some damn time.  But no, I’ve got to watch this thing crawl up on my screen just to read a boring list so that you could make some (might i mention) NOT FUNNY comments about the stupid words on your list and then conclude that you’re happy that you have the search engine.  Well, I’m happy, too.  I’m practically drooling with orgasm.

PAMIE
Yeah, I thought the graphic might be a bit too much.

YOU
She thought the graphic might… HA HA!  Yeah.  Yeah, well, it’s too late, isn’t it.

PAMIE
I’m sorry.

YOU
No, forget it.  I’m just, I–

PAMIE
Look, you’re obviously upset.  Why don’t you just go have a good weekend and we can discuss this like rational adults–

YOU
I am a rational adult, you big poohead.

PAMIE
I know.  Let’s talk about this on Monday, okay?

YOU
Whatever.

PAMIE
Can I see a smile?

YOU
No.

PAMIE
You wanna forum topic?

YOU
It’s the least you could do.

PAMIE
Okay.
[/scripty]

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